Why does/should it matter?? RANT

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Why does/should it matter?? RANT
5
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 11:28am

Well, I loose my car Friday. That was the last thing of any value I own. Why does it hurt me so much to loose everything? Everyone keeps saying I shouldn't be upset...they're only things. Well I can't help it. I worked very hard for all those things. No one handed them to me. And no one will give us a car loan so it looks like I'll be walking everywhere! Jon leaves next Friday for the military for nearly three months and the kids are going to their uncles in Florida. I don't know what the hell to do about having no car. I feel like blowing my brains out. I hate Jodie, I am not happy with Jodie, and I would like to get rid of Jodie. You guys just don't know how often I've dreamed of being someone else. I want to dump this life and hopefully start over again as someone normal with better genetics. My brother and sister don't have all these stupid mental health issues so why did I get it all dumped on me? Why have I become the family looser? How did I manage to get into this stupid predicament? I'm bone tired of it all and quite frankly sick of dealing with it. I keep waiting for things to get better but they just keep getting worse. It's going to hurt like hell Friday giving back the car I've loved for the last 4.5 years and get nothing in return. It was a very bad idea to lease. Another stupid Jodie mistake.

Jodie

Avatar for theresa_winger
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 3:10pm

Are you all by yourself?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 4:21pm

(((Jodie))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:52am

Jodie,

How you are feeling is normal. I would be devastated over losing a car I worked hard for. I get extremely depressed when repairs need to be done to my car because I have not always had the money. There have been many times I have been without transportation and it leaves me feeling trapped. Can you ask any family members to help you with the car or do you know someone who can negotiate with the lease department to make arrangements with payments you can afford? I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It does suck.

Big gentle hugs my friend,

     ~ Tina ~

Avatar for theresa_winger
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 12:13pm

Hi Jodie,


I came across this web site and thought it was worth reading


http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/


Suicide, read this first:


If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.


I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.


I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.


Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 2:10pm

I liked the jokes! That is what I've been trying to do. Find something to laugh at. Guilt has also stopped me from actually trying it again. Remembering my precocious 3 year old daughters shining face and her saying "I love you mommy". My son will soon be 2 and is absolutely adorable. But I often wonder if I will be a good influence on them or not. Would it be better if I wasn't around?


My DH leaves next Friday for military training and will be gone nearly three months. Kids are going to my brothers in Florida since I can't afford day care. I don't know how I will react to being alone that long. I am just hoping that I will have some sort of car. I feel like a diseased leper because of my bad credit. I am trash to those loan establishments. Never mind that I had an 800 credit score little more than two years ago. It's just that typical human mentality..."what have you done for me lately?" that has defeated me. I feel bad and people feeling bad about me make me feel worse. I never thought I would be in a position where I have nothing left. I never thought I would be a total looser. It's embarrassing being around my husband's high achieving family. I feel that next to them I have the intelligence of a carrot. They have little patience with me and probably wonder what my brilliant husband sees in me. I can't even look them in the eye. I feel inferior and always have. I was tortured by my peers as a child and have never recovered.


Anyway, blah blah blah. Thanks for the resources!


Jodie