So lonely now

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
So lonely now
5
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 8:00pm

I haven't lived on my own for 10 years.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: pommom2005
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 9:24am
(((Jodie)))!



Amysummer2010-3.jpg picture by cmamyd


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
In reply to: pommom2005
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 10:26am

Jodie,

I know it must be different with no one there to run after, or talk to. I am glad you are at least able to see the kids on the web cam. I know it is not the same, but with today's technology, it helps a little,

I wish I had a place of my own right now to be alone. This nut house is literally driving me insane, I am doing everything I can not to go i/p, but I am not sure how long I can last on that one.

Hang in there.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
In reply to: pommom2005
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 6:46pm

Hi!
Does IP help you? It has NEVER done a thing for me. Never. I hate it. Mainly because my problems are still there waiting for me when I get out and IP

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
In reply to: pommom2005
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 9:49pm

Jodie,

It sounds like the facility in your state is not anything like what the i/p places are like here. I would not like your facility either. I have gotten a lot out of i/p when I have opened my mind and stopped rebelling. I did have a lot of groups through the day, but I had a session everyday with my psych nurse individually,and seen the pdoc once a day to go over my meds. I was taught how to deal and cope with my problems when I came home. Sometimes that meant I had to make hard changes in my actions and thoughts and it my behavior. The problems did not go away because I went i/p. I had to take the tools I learned and make things change. It was a lot of work, but a nurse I had once told me that if nothing changes, nothing changes. That stuck with me a lot. Sometimes it was me and my thinking that needed to change or it was a boundary I had to set and stick too. I also kept up with my outside therapy and I have worked my butt off to be where I am today. I am not where I want to be, but I am a lot further along then I was 10 years ago. If I did not have counseling and I did not do the work, I know I would be a drug addict or dead right now.

I never expected my counselors to work harder then me. I just wanted guidance and direction. Just some options and I took what I wanted and left the rest. I have been on my own roller coaster rides and I still have some horrible ups and downs. My living situation is truly not a healthy one so it has a huge impact on my sanity. I cannot get up and leave because I have no money to support myself and rent a place on my own right now. All I can do is find a way to survive and honestly some days it seems impossible to make it. I am hoping through all this hard work in school will pay off for me to get a good paying job someday so that I will never be trapped again. I just have to keep strong and do what I have to do to take care of me..physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So, When I begin not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and I last too long in that darkness, I get scared and end up i/p, so they can get my meds straight and help shed some light where I cannot see any. My tdoc today helped me a lot. We did some EMDR and we will do a few sessions with that. I think it helped enough so I do not need to go i/p.

I would not want to end up in a state hospital where there are more intense mental health patients that scare me or I could not relate to.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
In reply to: pommom2005
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 11:34pm

I'm glad you have a good TDOC.

Jodie