Did I do the wrong thing by NOT sleeping with him??
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| Mon, 03-19-2012 - 4:03am |
Hi,
I’m a 37 year old italian woman. 2 weeks ago I met a guy through a mutual friend: he is 5 years younger than me, totally hot (so NOT my type!), charming, one of those guys used to having women falling in their bed. Our attraction was immediate and this never happens to me! My friend had had a 1 night stand with him and told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and that he was full of himself.
He immediately pursued me: he befriended me on facebook, we chatted, we emailed every day, and he asked me out. He really got a hold on me, it’s been years since I liked somenone that much, I had butterflies in my stomach and I never get them! The first date was very sweet, he held my hand while we talked and didn’t make a move. On the 2nd date he invited himself over to my house, I cooked him dinner and we talked for hours before he jumped me. I was really into him, we fooled around (1 thing that left me speechless is that he was ready to go without a condom!!!), I liked him so much but I thought that he would pull a disappearing act if I had sex with him on the 2nd date so I told him he should go. He wasn’t happy but accepted my decision, hinting that he would wait 1 more time and that then he would “move over” since he was a guy (no, I don’t understand that either….). It was a torture to let him go but I didn’t want to be just a 1 night stand for him, I wanted him to stay in my life.
He emailed me the following days, asking me out again but when I asked him when we should meet he acted coy and said he was busy and that we should wait for the weekend!!! I felt he was playing me around. When he didn’t contact me for 2 days I reluctantly emailed him: he replied that he would “surprise me” during this weekend. His message: “I might surprise you tonight or tomorrow….leave the cell phone on, I’ll call you”. I was appalled by this message: how did we go from a romantic date to a booty call all of a sudden??? I was shocked at his lack of respect. Who did he think I was?? He didn’t call me (obviously): he probably spent the weekend having sex with someone else, someone who didn't fuss too much.
His behavior disgusted me but now I’m having doubts: did I do the wrong thing turning him down? I’m telling myself that he pulled a disappearing act anyway and that at least I could have enjoyed his company in bed, that my “strategy” to make him stay backfired but I know myself: I know that I would be devastated if I had had sex with him and if then he had disappeared.
I feel like an idiot cause my insecurities blocked me and I didn’t even try. Now I'm jealous of the girl is having sex with when I was so dumb to waste my only chance! :smileysad:
Was I stupid not to sleep straight away with the only guy that I’ve liked this much in ages??
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No, no, no, no and no.
Unless you are a woman who enjoys one night stands, then you did the right thing. You went out with him knowing about his womanzing behavior. You resisted him on date #2 and you wrote:
"but I didn’t want to be just a 1 night stand for him, I wanted him to stay in my life."
Frankly, I am fed up with this stupid, high-school-ish "third date rule." Who made this up? Why should women feel pressured at all to have sex when they aren't ready? Why do we glamorize impersonal, recreational sex? Look, I'm not a prude. I think women should have sex with a man when they feel ready and not a minute sooner. If you're feeling like you will "lose" him if you don't have sex with him, then he's obviously not relationship material.
How would you have felt if you had sex w/ the guy & then never heard from him & you realized you were just another one in a string of his conquests?
Hi Mary:
I agree with flo.
Girl, if he goes away, then he did you a massive favor. He is not a man. He is a pig. "Leave your cellphone on and I'll call you..."??? And he'll only wait one other time?? WTF is that??
I know you have a crush on him, but believe me, he is not worth it!
RUN away from this man and trust your first instinct. The part of you that's making you regret not sleeping with him are your hormones. It's called chemistry. Your brain knows better!
At 37, you don't need anyone's permission to sleep with someone if that's what you want to do.
Mary, your friend told you that he wasn't looking for anything serious, yet you wanted him to stay in his life.
Most importantly, you need to decide what you want. Are you a relationship type or a woman looking for a hookup? If you are the relationship type it’s a good thing you weeded him out since he was looking for something you weren't interested in.
You did EVERYTHING RIGHT!! Take it from me...getting involed with someone who isn't looking for a relationship just creates heartache...on YOUR part,,,NOT His.It's been over 2yrs and I STILL am hurt by how everything happened with my now ex friend who never really valued our friendship in the end.We had a fwb thing going.I am not that type of person BUT I let the temptation get the best of me and he broke my heart.That thing where that guy stated to you to keep your phone on...maybe he would call you?!! Well I would be by the phone waiting for his calls...which would come around late 9pm to late 11pm about 2 times a week.I thought that he would give me a chance...you know..actually get to know me more then just on the physical level since we did talk..it wasn't just sex all the time.Well when that faded becuase I had decided that I didn't want to do the fwb thing anymore...I just wanted to be friends...well I was never his friend..in HIS mind eventhough he stated that I was..he wass NEVER there for me like a real friend would be.I finally called him on it today and he proved to me YET again that he was NEVER my friend.
You saved yourself a hugh problem right there.Please don't think about the girl he might be having sex with....because I bet you..one of them will get seriously hurt and YOU don't want to be that one person...believe me. Oh..and I'm 37 too and my ex friend was the very 1st and LAST fwb that I will ever do.Please keep your head up.