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|Sat, 03-24-2012 - 9:08am|
This is my first post here - my first post anywhere - about the alcohol use in my family. In fact, I've only ever talked to one other person about this issue but when I woke up this morning to the distinct and overwhelming smell of burnt metal and food, I knew that I had reached MY breaking point. I need help and I need to know how to help.
My husband is a wine drinker. In fact, he considers himself quite the connoisseur of wine. He studies wine, he teaches and runs a wine club at a high end restaurant, and is the go-to person for many of his wine collecting friends and acquaintances. He enjoys the "subtleties" of wine and is very passionate about everything that goes into wine. He does not drink any other type of alcohol (except the odd beer during a football game). He also does not think that his use of wine is a problem.
On top of this, my husband is also an academic. He is highly intelligent, having several university degrees (in applied physics and also in psychology). He also has a graduate degree and is very close to finishing his PhD. He specializes in mathematics and statistics for the social sciences, a very specialized field. He is in demand in his field and this adds to his feeling of invulnerability. He also has the ability to talk his way out of anything and to win logical arguments. This makes it near impossible for me to discuss his drinking as a problem.
We also have an 18-month old daughter.
My husband's drinking is a problem. We have talked about it on many occasions and every time, he agrees that he needs to "scale back". He can easily drink two bottles of wine in an evening. Last night, he drank three. When my daughter and I got up this morning, he had obviously passed out on the couch, with the TV still going and all the lights on (and the burnt smell lingering in the air). This is not the first time he has burnt something on the stove while drinking. When I was pregnant, I was away for awhile, and I later found out from our building superintendent that the superintendent was called to our apartment because of a strong burning smell and smoke. He told me he banged loudly on the door and there was no answer. He used his key to get in, and my husband was passed out on the couch. My husband has NEVER admitted to this.
I've started keeping a written record of the number of empty wine bottles. But I don't think this will help. It might help for a week or so (but he has rarely, if ever, gone a full week without having a glass of wine), but he always finds a reason to have a glass. Ususally it's because his professional life is so stressful that he feels he deserves a glass to unwind, or because he has something to celebrate (always needs a glass of "bubbly" to celebrate even the smallest of things).
I also know that he is sneaking/hiding/lying about wine. He always tends to downplay the amount he has drank the night before when I ask about it (hence the reason for the written record).
His father was an alcoholic, a genius, an overworker. His father died at 65.
I don't know what to do. I am afraid for my life and my daughter's life, afraid my apartment will burn down around us in our sleep. If I tell my husband this, he will laugh it off and tell me that I'm overreacting.
Please help.......I just am at a loss.