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| Sun, 03-25-2012 - 8:25am |
My husband went to his class reunion in 1988 - when he came back...he told me he had found an apartment and he moved out and filed for divorce. He was gone a month, dropped the divorce and moved back home. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have fought for my marriage. I thought he met someone at his reunion...just found out lately he was having an affair. I even ended up with a STD and I still didn't know. Can we say naive?
Fast forward to present...my middle daughter and her new husband of one year went to see him the end of October 2011. He called them before they got to his house wanting to know if it was OK to bring a friend to dinner. When they got there, they were introduced to the OW and my husband said "Oh, by the way, DON'T tell your Mother!!!" My daughter and her Dad have always had a very troubled relationship so she "played nice" until the OW left and then she told her Dad..Either you tell Mom or I will. What a horrible position to put our daughter in (she is 33) and I will never forgive him for that.
My husband called me on October 30, 2011 (my oldest daughter's 36th birthday) He came right out and told me he was seeing someone else. My heart shattered into a million pieces right then and there and I will never be the same. It was a very short conversation...I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, but I remember every word.
There was only one time that I was suspicious...we were together for Christmas 2008 and I caught him on the phone...hiding in the bathroom. I could tell from the conversation that it was a woman but when I confronted him...he told me it was his sister. I have never had any reason to not believe him...I trusted him completely...can we say naive?
After the d-day call 10-30-2011...I found the other woman (on-line search)
- Found out he's having an affair 5
- Found out he's having an affair
- Need Advice: My 22 yr old daughter wont talk to me 9
- Thanx..more advice please 1
- Court Hearing date in two weeks - still in love with STBX and so many emotions! 4
- Having a terrible time... 1
- Overwhelmed by divorce 4
- Conflicting words and actions 9
- Ex does nothing for our 2 boys 5
- Ex does nothing for our 2 boys
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Sue the bastard for everything and then go on a very long cruise and nice vacation and live well.. The best revenge is living well.
sorry.. that is all I got today..
Dividing up the assets equally seems pretty fair to me.
Long,
Hi. Some thoughts and advice.
A)Let your lawyer fight your legal battles and make sure you're provided for in the divorce agreement. Also, be prepared to listen to his advice because he's represented a lot of people in divorce and he'll know "when to say when." You'll never get "paid" enough money to ease your emotional pain. But, you have a right to be given a fair settlement.
B)You invested 38 years in a relationship and it hurts to be betrayed and left the way you have. No one is going to say you shouldn't be angry and hurt. Of course you should! Be aware that it will take time - a long time - for you to deal with that loss and to mourn it. At the same time, remember, HIS choices do not invalidate your choices, i.e. to be faithful, to trust, to invest in your spouse and your children. In time you'll see these are still the fruitful rewards of your commitment and sacrifice.
C)Grant yourself the gift of forgiveness. In time you may be able to forgive your EX and I hope you do. It will free you from a lot of pain and anger. It will also give you a gift of self love and that will be seen by your children and all others around you. It will say ALOT about you.
This road is long and rocky and painful. It is not traveled in 30 days. It is one step at a time, one day at a time. It will require all the strength and courage you have to give it. You will be exhausted and disappointed. It will hurt to breathe. It will be painful to smile. And yet, you will survive.
Hi Longline
Please take this the way I mean it - my mom is maybe 5 or 6 years older than you and to read your post and think that could be my own mom, it broke my heart. I understand why your kids don't want to get involved. I am a child of divorce (young age) and I never took sides either.
Regarding the lake house - is that a primary residence or cottage-type residence? If primary, are you not entitled to half? If it is a secondary residence, could you negotiate for it?
I have been on both sides of cheating and I know when I found out my first husband cheated on me it was as if someone literally punched me in the stomach. And I know my husband (second) felt the same way when he found out I did it to him. Life and relationships are very complex. I have learned, unfortunately through experience, that we make decisions based on where we are at that moment in time. My first husband felt neglected, so he cheated. I felt alone in my second marriage, so I cheated. This is a very simplistic description of what happened. Either way, my point is that human emotions and needs and desires are very complex. We are all insecure. We are all fallible. Some need validation more than others. We fear getting old, we fear a loss of power, we fear a loss of desirability. It is not a reflection of YOU. As someone who cheated on my spouse I can 100% say it is never about the spouse. It is about what the "cheater" wants, desires, needs for themselves.
So take comfort in your children, your grandchildren, love yourself, know that you are a wonderful lady, nuture the relationships with your family, your friends, let him go and trust in your lawyer. All I can tell you is that time does heal pain. In the meantime, hang in there, keep in touch, there is lots of support here.
Take care
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster all over again. I received a Motion for Production and if my understanding is correct...if I agree with my husband's proposal...then it is OVER. No court, no Judge, just sign and viola...I am divorced. I do not get the Lake House (secondary residence) We were supposed to go to court on 3-29-2011 but that has been canceled and a For Sale sign is going up on the Lake House. I get 50/50...no alimony...I hope by listening to my lawyer that I got the best deal I could??? I was terrified of going to court but somehow I feel let down...that once again my husband had his way...guess I did the BEST I could?
Wait a minute..
Are you going to be able to live off the 50/50 settlement and be okay?? Where will you live if you cant live at the Lake house?
At your age and i know how this is because I am an aging
Hi again
I am not sure where you are (I am in Canada), but wondering about this 50/50? What happened with the primary residence? If the lake house is sold will you get half? 50/50 and no alimony? It seems odd. Do you get half the primary and half the lake house? Two residences and you get neither?
Perhaps you could take the Motion to a second lawyer and get an opinion before you sign? In Canada all divorce judgements go before a lawyer.
Do you have a trusted friend to look over the agreement for you?
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