Okay so my partner and I have been together for a very long time but are new to living together. We have different opinions about what is and isn't okay when it comes to our home and what happens there. We've compromised a lot over the past couple months but there are three things we've agreed on. I mean granted they were my three things that I didn't want to budge on but she agreed to them. Then not long after I found out that when I'm not home she doesn't really care about my 'rules' and does whatever she wants. All three of those rules have been broken and she doesn't understand why I get upset. i told her it feels like a lack of respect because it is also my home and we agreed upon these things. I don't like that I can't trust her when I'm not around. I mean she thinks it isn't a big deal but I see it as a sign of something else.
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That said, I also agree with peaceyma that we need to know what these three things are before we can really decide whether they are reasonable things to ask of someone or not. Even if they are, I think the problem may lie with your approach of the situation.
But ultimately, you also need to be aware that living with someone means accepting that they WILL do things that annoy you. My parents have been happily married for 36 years and my dad still drives my mom crazy by leaving his clothes on the floor, sometimes literally right next to the hamper. Eventually, you have to accept that in some regards, people will never change, no matter how much it annoys you, no matter how many "rules" you make. You then have to decide if it's something you can live with or not. My mom decided a long time ago that as much as it annoys her that my dad leaves his clothes on the floor, it is not worth ending the relationship over. So she's learned to stop nagging him about it because she knows he'll never change in this regard.
Genealogical Musings
We definitely need detail on the rules. For example, no smoking in the house, and then she does when you aren;t around I would agree is a problem. If its something like, the temperature is alway 72 degrees, well, I might have a problem with that if I'm at home and i'm hot.
Did she get to lay down 3 laws as well?
I have to admit that I'm curious of what those three rules are.
However, if she agreed, she should honor that agreement unless circumstances have changed significantly
I'm also wondering if she "agreed" to these "rules" just to appease the BF because he's an unreasonable guy who always wants his own way & it's just easier to say yes and then do what she wants anyway instead of arguing.
So what's the consequence for breaking your "rules"? If you have rules but no way of following through if they are broken, then you have set yourself up for failure.
If she has already broken all three agreements she made with you, then you have to decide whether or not you can continue to live with someone who a) doesn't honor her agreements and b) doesn't live in a way that is harmonious with your lifestyle.
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