Is my marriage toxic?
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| Sun, 04-08-2012 - 5:44am |
First off, please bear with my English because it’s just my second language. Anyway, here’s my situation.
I am with my husband for 5 years, 2 years married and 3 years dating. I met him when he came to my country as a tourist while I was working as a tourist guide. I was never married but I have a son, he was divorced and has a daughter. Most of our relationship was long distance, phone, text, email and skype. He comes to see me every year for the past 3 years and stay with me for about 2-3 weeks each time until we got married. Everything was good until I went to stay with him after the wedding.
Some of things I discovered about my husband when I was with him:
He is obsessed with his 21 years old daughter and he was like a puppy that does everything for her. His daughter is a complete bitch but he doesn’t see it.
From time to time, he still gives money to his ex-wife, talk to her all the time. When I asked why they have to be that close, his response was, the ex might know something about their daughter that he was not aware of.
- How do I get away from this man? 10
- When it time to let go 1
- When it time to let go
- BF broke into my phone to spy on me 8
- i am dating a deadly control freak 5
- Boyfriend has a toxic personality 6
- It's been a year but I still have to fight myself not to contact him!! :( 10
- Emotional Abuse - I feel like I'm going crazy 10
- When setting boundaries backfires 4
- How to Spot and Dump a Frenemy 1
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There comes a time in your life where you have to make a decision.
I already asked for legal advice…I can get my marriage annulled
If you don't feel that you can tell him on Skype, then send him a letter or email so you can think about what to say.
Thanks Music. Trust me, I told him that I will never be going back to the US again, that I cannot live with his friend nor her daughter's cats, dogs and bunnies. He's response was, he's working it out with his daughter so that she'll get rid of her animals. Story behind all these was, when I went there, the daughter has 3 cats, 4 bunnies, 2 dogs that live in the house. I have an allergy with animal fur and I asked my husband if he can talk to his daughter to contain her animals in her bedroom. Her daughter response was, she cannot live without her animals and she can do anything she wants in her house and if the new wife has a problem with it, she can head the door out....3 days later she got another 3 cats LOL. My allergy was so bad that my husband asked his friend if I can stay in their spare room and so I did. I go to his house in day time because the daughter was in school and he can put all the animals in her bedroom but I have to leave before her daughter comes at night. I'm aware that in America, kids can reason out with their parents unlike in my culture where it's a no no to answer back your parents but I think what's going on with them is weird. Even my husband's friends was frowning about his dealing with his daughter so I don't think that it was just a cultural differences.
There is no nice way to tell someone that you feel that you made a mistake, and that you want a divorce.
Hi Latica and welcome to the board.
Update….
I finally mustered strength to email my husband to tell him I can’t do it anymore. That I realized I will be unhappy for the rest of my life if I will be leaving my home country. My family, friends and my life is here and that I care about him but I’m not in-love with him anymore. He called, was very upset and we had a heated argument. He said he felt betrayed that I didn’t share any of my feelings and that he thought everything was fine and now this? He was right, I kept everything to myself to keep the peace but he should have been sensible enough to know that what he did (letting me stay with his friend so his daughter can keep his animals roaming around) was wrong. He could have even joined me in his friend’s apartment but he decided to stay in his house so he can make breakfast and dinner for his daughter while I had to adjust leaving with someone I don’t know, arggg! It was the first ugly fight but I feel a lot better now that I got everything out of my chest. He called again and this time he was calm. He apologized for the things he said and things he did not do for me. He said he’s now planning to sell his house which he promised his daughter to be hers when he’s gone.
I don't think you're quitting too soon -- it sounds like you're both in two very different places in life and want different things.
No, you're not quitting too soon.