OUCH! I hate these moments
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|Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:16am|
Hey everyone, its been a while since I posted here.
I'll prepost my situation ( reader's digest version ), I have been seening this wonderful MW for two years, I too am M. Our relationship like any has had some ups and downs. But for the most part is a wonderful love affair. Her H works out of town and only comes home once a month...if even that. So needless to say we have lots of time to communicate and see each other. This past spring break we actually got the chance to spend 4 days together...or at lease evenings since we both had to work still. It was so great gettting to leave work and go home to her.
Her H came home for Easter and I believe our spending so much time together prior has really put some stress on her mentally. From what I understand she fought with him all weekend and much of that was because of how great things are between us and it drives a wedge between them at home.
She is not in a position to leave him even though she talks about it al the time and I too am not in such a position...even though I dream of it often.
So this morning I get the dreaded email where she explains to me how tough her weekend went and that she feels we need to end things between us. She's had these thoughts before and they rarely last long but still it hurts like hell. I know in the back of my mind that she'll most likely change her mind but then I'll be on pins and needles waiting for her to feel like she needs to end it again.
I have found that each time she breaks things off it hurts just a little less, not sure if that's because I know she'll come back or because I just deal with it mentally differently. The first time about 6 months into our relationship she ended it and I completely freaked out, even broke down and told my W about the affair ( I believe I was hoping she's leave me ) after the dust settled me and my AP picked back up just as strong as before.
So right now I'm in limbo, it sucks. I'm sure I'll talk with her later today but I just hate the feeling of wondering when and if she'll come back and then when she does how long till the next "break up"....just waiting for the big one to hit, the one that sticks.