I don't know what to do about my daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-1999
I don't know what to do about my daughter
5
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:14am

I'm hoping some parents reading this have been through this and can give me an idea that might work.

My daughter is a sophomore in high school.

Her entire school career, she has been an over-achiever. She had straight A's (4.0-4.5 GPA) every single year. She skipped the 6th grade because she was so far past every other student. Even after that, she maintained straight A's. She was so competetive about her grades that she would do extra credit work to get a higher A than another student. In 7th grade, she decided that she was going to graduate from high school Valedictorian, she was going to go to a University, graduate with a 4.0, then go to Harvard Law School. Her long-term goal was to be a Supreme Court Justice. Any other kid, I would have just said, "Yeah, ok sweetheart" not really thinking she would do it. But having seen her drive and ambition her entire life, I was absolutely positive she could (and would) do it. She even sent a letter to Harvard admissions office, telling them her plans and asking what she could do to increase her chances of being accepted into their school.

Then, in the 9th grade, it all changed. Last year she just stopped trying. She didn't turn in her work. She scored badly on tests. She failed nearly every single class. I thought it was just her adjusting to High School, but this year has been just as bad. We grounded her in November, right before Thanksgiving. We told her that, if she had at least C's and above in every single class at the next grading period (which was right after Christmas), she could be off grounding. She didn't do it. Long story short, she has been grounded since November. She is lying about doing her work. We're finding out from her teachers that she isn't doing assignments that she said she was doing. I even tried sending a print out of her weekly work (from the web site where her grades and assignments are listed) to school with her, and having her teachers initial every missing assignment as she turned it in to make sure she was catching up. I found out later that the teachers weren't even seeing them. I don't know if she was forging their signature, or what. She isn't getting into any trouble. Her attitude is fine. This last grading period (about 3 weeks ago) she had mostly A's, B's and C's - her best report card since 8th grade - but she still had 2 F's. Since we could see improvement, we let her go back to youth group. Not off grounding, just youth group. I just checked her grades tonight, she is failing every single class again. She has missing assignments. We tried to talk to her about it and she just cried, saying she's doing the best she can. But with missing assignments, I don't believe that.

I just don't know what to do. Two years ago, she wanted to go to Harvard. Now, she may not even graduate High School on time.

We've tried talking, disciplining, communicating with the teachers (which is a whole separate frustration), staying on top of her every minute, and finally giving in a little. Nothing is working.

I KNOW she is smarter than this. She is being lazy. When she does her work, she gets good grades. The biggest problem is her simply not turning in assignments.

What do we do?


 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 05-11-1999
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 6:02pm
Oh my, this is a tough one. It is so hard to know that they can do the work, but just decide not to. We want the best for our children. Do you think she is grieving or maybe there is some social challenges going on? I will be praying for her and doubly for you. These things are so very hard on us as parents to watch. Hugs!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 10:24am
My kids aren;t that old yet but our oldest is struggling with peer pressure. His grades are suffering tremendously. We've been encouraging him to make new friends and work his way from the old ones. We also found that the video games he was playing were not to ur standards and have had them removed from our house. We took his cell phone till we can see he back on track. SO far he SAYS he is doing good. Today his teachers will let me know how he is doing. Honey I wish I had better advice or just some advice but I don't. When I hit high school, I became the object of bullying by some realy mean girls. My grades were good, I had lots of friends but that all just disappeared. I spent most of my time dodging the "clicks" so I wouldn't be harrassed. I purposely stopped doing homework so people would stop stealing it. It was a nitemare. I certainly will be praying for her and hope she is going thru all that I did. Just trying to go pee was always a dramatic experience. I was jumped by 2 girls in a bathroom once. Awful awful awful. Prayerfullly your daughter will be able to get it together soon.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 2:35pm

How much hand holding was done in middle school?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:38pm
Oh Stacy, good point! You are right! Our middle school does that as well.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-1999
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 9:55pm
She went to the same school from 4th grade until the end of 9th grade. She started struggling in 9th grade, while she was still at the same school. It may have somethng to do with that. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks!