Dilemma!! Need advise
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Dilemma!! Need advise
| Fri, 04-13-2012 - 6:21pm |
I rarely post so I don't think anybody knows my story. I am a MW in an affair with a MM for over 2 years. We always talked about our future but never had any concrete plans. He had a couple of Ddays on his side during these 2 years but his marriage was already in trouble and we continued. And he was about to seperate. Recently I had a Dday and my husband is devastated, H still doesn't know everything I only told him about EA. H wants to rebuild, I don't think my heart is in this marriage. I wasn't very happy during our 15 years of marriage. Although H loved me there was an abuse which I havn't been able to get over. H has promised to get help and is very remorseful for pushing me away and desperately wants to work on the marriage. My AP meanwhile seperated and is moving a few hours away for a job opportunity. He wants me to go with him. I have 2 kids and I have a job. I am so lost and confused. How does he expect me to move to a different state with 2 kids and quit my job? How can I take such a big risk? Shall i just focus on my marriage and give my H another chance?
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Why does he expect you to move?
When I was trying to work on my relationship with my ex (also was very unhappy and there was emotional abuse on his side), the therapist asked me to imagine that I'm old and looking back at my life, would I think that working on the relationship with this man would have been worth it. And inside me I knew that the answer was no. Even if he stopped the emotional abuse and became "better", I wouldn't have been happy with him.
When we separated, I of course missed certain aspects of our life together, it was hard being a single mom, but once I was over it, I felt liberated and happy.
Sunny gave you some good advice. Let xAp go....too much risk right now with two kids and a whole new life. That's not something to rush into.
Has your AP ever met your kids?
My H is showing really extreme behaviour, from begging, pleading, crying for me to stay to turning the kids against me. He is also having panic attacks, he can't sleep and diesn't let me sleep either. It is exhausting :( i hope the time will heal him and then i can move on. But right now he is clinging on to me for his life. What i can't believe is this was the guy who was so insensitive to my needs, made fun of me and physically abused me not to the point of giving me bruises but punching and shoving!!
As for the Ap, yes he has kids and also he has been with my kids.
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