This has been going on too long.....
Find a Conversation
|Thu, 05-31-2012 - 12:06pm|
I have not been on here in a while, but as you can see my problems still have not gotten any better.
The latest and greatest happened when we decided to host the Super Bowl party at our home. I sent out invites to the people that we wanted to attend and asked them to bring a dish. We asked for them to let us know what they were bringing when they RSVP'd so we wouldn't clash with food. But to no avail no one RSVP'd and then they all brought extra guest with no dish. So needless to say there was not enough food for everyone and we had multiples of the same dish. That one was not too big of a deal, we just said whatever and kept on moving. Fast forward one month: I gave my DH a surprise 30th birthday party. I told MIL and one of his Aunts when they came to the Super bowl party what I wanted to do for my DH. I again made invites and put invited guests only and no children (alcohol was being served and food was being catered as to no extras and the party was at our home). I sent invites to his family as I have always done with a request to RSVP since we are having it catered. Some people did call and ask if they could bring an extra guest and that was fine with me. I just needed to know how many people to prepare for.
Well once my DH came in the house we all screamed "Happy Birthday" and one of his aunts ran over to him asking where one of his cousins were. Of course he had no idea since he was still in shock from the surprise. So she continues on telling him that I didn't invite her son. Let me remind you that I have no idea where her son lives, I have never sent him an invite to anything because I usually send an invite to his moms house and his sisters house and they share it with him when he comes to get his daughter from his mother (she has a day care so he sees her twice a day). They have always shared invites with him so I was wondering why they seemed to have a problem with it now. Now this same aunt who says I did not invite her son because his name was not on the front of the invitation, did not call to ask me anything in advance (my phone number was on the invite and I thought we had a pretty decent relationship that if she had any issues she would have said it to me), and she decided to bring an extra guest (not her son) to the party. That was not a problem since we ended up having extra food. His family came into our home and talked about me and how I sent invitations and what they said and who I did not invite. They really tried their best to ruin the surprise and the party.
This is really sad because this is not the first time we have had an event with invitations. Every time I send something or don't send something to them, they have a fit about it. Some of them have multiple families living in one house and they expect me to send a different invite to the same address, addressed to different people..That is insane. So with that being said, most of them did not show up and the ones that did, came with more than one extra guest..They brought several! Then they tried to have my DH come and have a party with them the night before his surprise party and I really believe they were trying to ruin the surprise. Well to their surprise we did not attend. So they decided to have a birthday dinner for him the day after the party. NERVE OF THESE PEOPLE.
Easter came by and when we went to MIL house for dinner, none of his family even spoke to me. It was like 40 people there and only about 5 spoke to me. It was the worst day in a long time. None of them talked to me the whole time we were there. When it was time to go, I had to spank my son for something he did and he was crying. When MIL saw that she instantly took him into the house and back to her room and was babying him up. Me and Dh walked into her room and I was livid. I told my son to come on and we all left. I told my DH that I thought it was rude and unacceptable for her to undermine me to my son and that we need to talk about that. So I called her from his phone (she doesn't answer when my number comes up) because her and I needed to talk. She didn't answer. Meanwhile I left my cell at her home and Dh went to get it when he got off work and he was going to speak with her about what she did.
When he got to her home, she started to tell him that she didn't know I had spanked my son....excuse me...how did you know what I did when DH had not even brought it up to you yet. She started explain to him how she had no idea. So when he tells me, I asked him if he had said anything to her and he said no she brought it up to him. So now I know she is lying, she just didn't want her son to be upset with her and with me calling from his phone, she thought it was him. She never answered the phone that day or night and had her story together when she saw him the next day.
So I decided to call her so that we could hash out whatever problems we have and to let her know how she made me feel. I had to call from another number because she doesn't answer my calls. When she answered I let her know who I was and the conversation went like this:
ME: Hello MIL this is Me, how are you?
MIL: Hello me I am fine and you?
ME: Fine. The reason I was calling is because I really did not appreciate you babying our son up yesterday after he got a whipping.
MIL: So, there are plenty of things you do that people don't like...
WTH??? Is that how you answer someone that is trying to work out an issue with you? So I preceded to tell her (with an attitude and maybe that is where I went wrong, but I was very upset and could not believe her response) that I did not marry her son to make sure I was pleasing his family, however we are not here to talk about me, we are here to talk about you. She preceded to tell me that I need to talk to my DH because she already explained to him and apologized to him. So I told her that I needed to talk to her because she is the one that did something I did not like, and she needed to talk to me. Now maybe I am wrong for this, but I thought when you did something unpleasing to someone and you felt the need to apologize, you should apologize to them...not to someone else. I also thought that it would clear some of the confusion (since there is always something being passed from person to person instead of direct communication). I did not know that she would get smart with me and hang up. If/When DH is there, she acts totally different with me so I assumed she would be decent to me...guess not. She thought it was disrespectful for me to call her.......really?
We have been going through this for 4 years and now she wants to go through DH for everything and that is fine with me. However, every time there is a problem with anything (and everything is a problem) and DH doesn't communicate well (via her words) she wants to communicate through him which only keeps the drama going. I guess I really don't understand why people would want so much drama in their lives that they would want to ruin it for others.
I have asked my DH to handle them and he always says to ignore them, don't worry about how they are, and just be with him. I have done that for 4 years and it has only gotten worse. They will come up to our family and speak only to DH and ds and DH does not see anything wrong with it. I feel that he should feel as disrespected as me being I am his wife. SO...I have decided that it has been enough and our family should stay away. My DH does not want to take our ds away from MIL, but I am doing what I feel is best for us. I told him that we will not go over on holidays anymore because they are all rude to me and that is not what family should be like...especially on holidays...all of them. So he had a convo with MIL to tell her and she decided to tell him all of the reasons she and his family does not like me.....does she really care about seeing us? NO...she only wants to try to change his opinion of me when we live together and they only see me maybe 5-6 times a year. You would have thought that she would have said well lets figure out how we can solve these issues and make this work, but she didn't.
Now he wants to send ds on holidays and we stay away. I just really don't agree...if one of us is not welcome...none of us are welcome. Any advise?