Lurker Coming Out to Say "Hello"
Find a Conversation
|Mon, 09-24-2012 - 3:58pm|
Hi everyone! I have been lurking for months and finally decided it was time to post. I didn’t jump in initially because I wanted to wrap my head around the things that have been going on. And I also have a very jealous and controlling H (who has been known to check up on me) that I didn’t really want reading anything I might post. I am to the point though where I really don’t care what he thinks or does anymore.
I also haven’t posted because I have been a little bit afraid of the reaction I will get on here. You see, I am the one that wants out of the marriage. He hasn’t cheated (nor have I). He isn’t an alcoholic and he doesn’t do drugs. He isn’t abusive and he doesn’t have a mental disorder. But I would love to find and give some support on this board. I’m not sure how much of my story to go into because I don’t know how much everyone really wants to read. For the most part (99.9% of the time) I feel like I am making the right decision (this is where I could post a ton about what has happened in the marriage so far to justify things). Every once in a while though I feel like I am being selfish and that I should stick things out because of my DS.
The crux of the situation is this: We have been together for 12+yrs (friends for a year, dated for a year, married 10+ yrs). We have a DS (in elementary school). I don’t love H anymore. I don’t even like H anymore, and I have absolutely zero respect for him. He isn’t the same person I was friends with, dated and got engaged to. He changed after we got married. He became incredibly jealous, controlling and lazy. The thought of touching him in any way makes my stomach turn over. I am the one who works and brings home a good paycheck. He has worked maybe half the time we have been together and when he has worked it has been in commission jobs where he makes maybe one commission during the year. Even when he wasn’t working, I am the one who, up until I dropped the D bomb, took care of and did almost everything with DS, cleaned the house, did the laundry, bought the groceries and paid the bills. H has started doing some of those things since the D bomb, but I feel like he is only doing them to avoid a divorce and that as soon as the “crisis” is over he will go back to the way he was (I can already see a waning of some things that he tried to “change”).
I told him I would give him a few months for him to try to change and for us to try and work things out. There is about a month left of that time, and no matter what we have done, I still feel like I need to get out of this marriage - for myself and for my DS. I am extremely unhappy and this isn’t the kind of marriage that I want to model for DS. I don’t want him growing up to think this is ok and normal.
Not sure where to go from here. Just wanted to say “Hi” to everyone.