Looking for suggestions...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Looking for suggestions...
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 5:59pm

My 19 yo daughter was invited to a wedding...her first on her own, meaning not a family member or friend's wedding...and it's not one of her peers.

She's invited to the wedding of her best friend's mom...second marriage for the bride and groom..both in their '50s'. The girls have been friends for many years, I've taken the other girl on vacations, etc. So DD and her boyfriend are going. It's super casual, at a park, with a pavilion/DJ reception, etc.

We are wondering what would be an appropriate gift. They've already blended 2 households. Neither one is well to do, they both still work. My husband said $100. I thought that sounded like a lot, from a kid. (if it were my going, I'd of course give $100, maybe 2)

I thought maybe a gift cert. to a favorite restaurant. What do you all think?

( I thought it was a lot, because if I was getting married and one of the kids gave me that much, I'd feel, well, awkward)


Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 6:41pm

I tell my kids to give what they can afford. If your dd works and can afford to give $100 then fine (although I agree that sounds like a lot from a 19yo). If she can only afford $25 then she tucks that into a nice card and I'm sure they will be touched at receiving it.

I think something without a dollar amount would be better, and meaningful since the bride has watched your dd grow up. Maybe something like a picnic basket for 2 with a bottle of wine (which you would need to purchase but your dd could pay for it), some fancy cheese and olives etc. Or a "gift certificate" for your dd to cook them dinner one night, if she is a good cook; or for free pet-sitting when they go on their honeymoon; if she takes good pictures then maybe a photo shot at the wedding and enlarged and matted in a nice frame; or something along that line based on what your dd knows of their tastes or needs. 

My ds29 and his gf (both starving students) recently went to the wedding of a peer. The groom is into beer, makes homebrew etc. Ds was going to give them $50 which was going to be tough for him, but his gf convinced him to instead get some beer glasses (that they might be able to find at a secondhand shop) and have something etched onto them like the date of the wedding. Much more personal than money and probably easier on ds' wallet.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:23pm
Your dd and her bf were the ones invited, so THEY are the ones who should give the gift. And it should be SPLIT between them, since the boy is certainly going to eat, drink, and enjoy the party also. This is a good lesson on social graces. They should give what they feel comfortable with, what they can afford, and what they think will be meaningful. If it's too small, or inappropriate, they'll find out. That's how they learn.
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:39am
Considering the 'relationship' do you have a nice picture of her dd and your dd together from when they were younger? Could be a fun gift. Maybe 2 picture frames; one with that in it and one for the new bride/groom... (just trying to come up with something reasonable but personal/meaningful)
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 3:12pm

I think photo frames is good... As for the picnic basket, I don't remember the last time I even used mine.... I seriously doubt that they are expecting a big gift from your dd. They probably want her to be there because she has been in the bride's life for many years. IF I were the bride, I would NOT expect a $100 from a 19yo. I could not afford a $100 gift! To me, that is crazy!

I had someone tell me a few years ago, that a big wedding was an investment in your dd's future, because they always got in wedding gifts more than the wedding cost. ?????? Pretty sure that didn't happen when I got married....  lol