I'm here instead of the phone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
I'm here instead of the phone
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 6:29pm

I had a horrible day at work, a coworker decided to drill me on things that were non of her business in the first place. It's not the first time. This is a huge trigger because one of the reasons I started talking to xap was because of discord with coworkers. I would go to him to vent, to get a smile, a kind word, laugh... Even when we tried ending a gazillion times, problems at work are probably one of the main reasons I would really NEED to talk to him. I guess to get that kind word, laugh....

Anyway, part of me wants to call, but suprisingly, its not quite as strong as usual. I'm finally starting to 'get it' that he's really not there for me, so why do I keep reaching out.

I did try to call a couple other girlfriends, they didn't answer, then with the phone in my hand, I had a brief 'what the heck' thought followed by NO!!! I'll go post on the boards.

I'd kind of like to go run or at least walk, but don't want to go to all the trouble. Suppose I could take a shorter walk in the neighborhood, vs going to the park for a bigger walk. This typing really does help.

Still having the annoying rollercoaster of emotions, but winning with "I can do this" feelings and affirmations.

ok off to walk, leaving the phone inside. ..

Have a good week everyone. It has got to get better!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 7:25pm

I am soooo glad you picked up the phone and called us, k...we will always be here.

I takes a while to not respond like we did...to not reach out to the one we always turned to when we were troubled.  Learning to turn to others or do activities to keep yourself from reaching out is BIG and you are doing it. I'm sorry your girlfriends weren't available...I'll give them a good talking to if you'd like :smileyhappy:

I'm sorry work can make things so hard for you.  I don't know your situation, is there a way to avoid all this discourse? Like by even just leaving the room?  And what's up with a co-worker drilling you?  Can you tell her you don't want to talk about it?  If you are uncomfortable talking about it here, I understand.

I hope you did take that walk and it relieved some of your anxiety and cleared your head.

Btw, how was your vacation?

Chin up,





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 9:01pm
Hey GF - a quick response but yes, for some odd reason xAP feels like the first go-to when there is a problem in RL. Why? I don't know! But I experienced that, didn't cave just as you have done, and felt better about it soon afterwards. So glad you found other outlets!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 5:45am

I did it!! Or should that be I DIDN"T do it,,,, I made it through, did NOT call and I'm SO glad I didn't. Like I said in the other post, the feeling was different... there was still that little voice saying oh lets just call,,, but the logic of why not was so much bigger and even thoughts of feeling worse afterwards and  I really don't want to do that to myself again.. :smileyhappy:

Clarity, I did try avoiding, walking out of the room and she was determined to hammer me. I didn't have anything to hide and told her it was none of her business, but answered the question and left. I have an appt next week with the EAP counselor. She did a class on conflict management a month or so ago which was really good. I had thought about contacting her for more info earlier but put it off. Now I have an appt.

Vacation was SO AWESOME!! Very busy, but SO AMAZING!!

Thanks to both of you for your support. I appreciate it. I know my friends get tired of hearing the drama, I get tired of it, so I can just imagine how sick of it they are. The thing is I don't want the drama! I'm really working on the positives and it seems to make the crazies come around.

Have a good day.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 12:08pm
Sounds to me as though you are doing great! Feeling triggered but working your way through it logically and implementing safe coping strategies to get through.

Keep going like this and you'll soon get there! Well done.

Much love

Yellow xx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~