Desperatly need help. He's literally driving me insane and i don't know what to do?
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|Mon, 09-24-2012 - 7:35pm|
Married for over 25yrs with 4 daughters. We've had our ups & downs but lately it's more down & unbearable at times. I need to give a little background info about myself that I feel is very important. I suffer from some mental disorders/diseases. They are: Bipolar nos, ocd, severe anxiety/panic disorder & ptsd. I take several meds for these conditions. I have always had a severe issue with depression & have been suicidal at times in my life. My marriage is falling apart & I don't know what to do to save it or if I should continue to try to save it? The past few years has changed everything in my family's lives. My husband was forced to medically retire from his career. He also began the struggle of fighting for VA Disabiltiy. He was denied that. All the years of sacrificing & working so hard to ensure security for our family and our retirement was suddenly gone. My marriage definatly took a hit. My husband has become someone I don't know anymore, especially lately. I understand that he is in alot of physical pain & is has to take pain pills to help cope with the pain but ever since he started taking the pain meds, his personality slowly began to change. Recently, his personality has drastically changed to the point where I can't talk with him without it turning into a major fight. Our relationship has suffered greatly. We don't have a healthy sexual relationship. We don't have sex at all. I don't want to have sex with him. I don't feel intimate with him anymore. It's more like we are friends. Though lately I can't say that i like him very much alot of the times due to his emotional abusive treatment towards me. We just went through the worst week ever in our entire marriage. The fighting was horrible. He treated me in a way that I never thought he was capable of doing to me. He has become so emotionally abusive to me.So much so that it triggered me into a severe depression where i wanted to end my life. He went to a counceling appt & somehow finally woke up & realized that he was taking out all of his anger towards the government on me. He was incredibly cruel. He convinced me that I was worthless & the family would be better off without me in their lives. After he realized what he was doing, we were able to talk rationally. But that opened up a whole other can of worms. I told him that we were too co-dependant on eachother & we had to work on changing that. He told me that has changed with him. He said he was no longer co-dependant on me. He has always told me that if something happened to me or we divorced, he would never remarry or be in a relationship with another woman because I was the only woman he ever loved or could ever love. But that has changed now. Now he says he can move on without me. He says that he wants a healthy sex life & is not getting it from me. I try to tell him that with all the stress & depression i'm going through, having sex is not on my mind. I'm too stressed out, too exhaused & too depressed to want to have sex. I told him that we need to work on our relationship first & sex will come naturally. I feel like he's always presuring me to have sex but i won't & he gets very mad that I wont. It's like all he talks about is sex. We started talking again but as soon as I disagree with something he says, he blows up or he twists the subject to make me look bad and him good. It's driving me insane. I can't take this being happy for a half day then huge fight situation going on everyday. We have 4 children. 2 are ages 12 & 14. They don't deserve this. Part of me wants to take the girls and walk away but i'm stuck here for financial reasons. I have no way of supporting myself. His answer has been for him to sleep in the camper. We faught last nt & he was going to the camper. I told him that if what he wanted was to be seperate from me & if he slept in the camper then i would take that as him wanting a divorce. I can't take this rollercoaster anymore. I don't know what to do? I want this to end