What was your "What was I thinking" moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
What was your "What was I thinking" moment
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 11:46pm

Love930 just gave me an idea to start a discussion.

So, what was YOUR "WWIT" moment?

When my rose-colored glasses were off and I could really see his house and his yard.  O_M_G

A pigsty inside and out.  He was a packrat.  I was only in his house once...okay twice.  Once after I busted his door in and once...OMG...I'm just remembering this...must have blanked it out...I went in when he was not home.  There aren't any police on this Board, are there?  Okay.  Actually, this was before I busted in his door, but he always kept the door unlocked.  I mean, what thief could ever make their way through all the rubble and there was nothing to steal to speak of.

It was nighttime and I parked my car around the corner and casually walked into the house, but it was pitch black.  I had to go back home for a flashlight.  I drive back, park in the same spot, walk around the corner and right in. It was a mess! How sad was it to have to break into his house to try to gain a sense of who this JAM was when not with me.  I didn't stay long,  But listen to this, I saw that he was reading a few books.  I took note of the titles. Next day, I saw one of the books on sale...I purchased it and put it right out on my coffee table for him to see the next time he came over.  I don't remember the outcome.  But now that I am thinking back, we told me shortly afterwards that he had a sense that someone might have come into his house...GULP.  I, of course, never said anything but "really?"  I don't think he ever put two and two together with that same book.

Now you would think seeing the inside of his house would be my WWIT moment...and if you did, you would be wrong. Because I still was hooked on him.  It was only looking at that pigsty of a yard about a year later that would bring about the WWIT moment because I could never have lived with a man who just can't pick up or clean up after himself.  Not that I was little Ms. Housekeeper, but you would not stub your toe on a sock that had been lying around for a while.

Okay...now that I fessed up about my B&E getting to my WWIT moment...your turn :smileyhappy:


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
I have a LOT of these moments to choose from, guess I am a slow learner.

We were driving around a large parking lot of a medical center looking for a place tto park when his phone rang- his wife. I could not be in the car when he talked to his wife because his voice would betray his betrayal. It's pouring rain, cold. He drops me at a doorway so he can circle around to take the call. I wait for him to come back. Feeling like a cheap whore. Still took me years to go NC and stick with it.

But here I am today. In the drivers seat!

~ Songs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009

Oh god - I think my A was one long "what was I thinking"

I was seriously confused during my A! Even in the looks department I did not have my thinking cap on.

Every time we met up - I was like - "oh god - he's actually really ugly" Still can't quite get my head around why I was so desperate to have him!!!!

I let him time and time again lead me on that he wanted to see me - only at the last minute - he would say - oh my girlfriend just called, I've gotta go.... Fell for that one way too many times.

He told me time and time again that he was just jusing me, and I thought it was a cute little joke!!! He was just being honest!!

I used to spend loads of money buying lingeri, and taking pictures of myself in them - I would sometimes in antispation of him requesting some (if there had gone sometime) do a few naughty shots.... just to delete them again because he didn't ask for any.

I used to have MSN messager on my phone, so I could check at all time if he was on or offline - I was always offline, just stalking his every moment!!!

I made sure that I used the same shampoo brand, and washing detergent, so he "knew" my smell.... I never changed it while I was in my A - to think if I smelled of the wrong brand shampoo when we were together???!!!

I checked his calendar all the time, and planned my life carefully around when he was in and out of the office, making sure I had as much time with him as possible, and holidays were planned when he had holidays  - he had no idea I was doing this - or did he?? duh!!!!

He showed his friend private pictures of me that I had sent him - and I didn't hit the roof - I thought it meant something that he had told his friend about me....meant nothing.....he was just be a jerk and a show off.

I think I should stop - even though I could go on and on... believe me -  everything I did in my A was cringe worthy, and brainless.... .



Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
He texted me that he was moving across the country. We were 'over' by then and we knew the move was coming eventually but still I thought "seriously, I don't even rate flipping phone call, WTF??".
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010

"I am worthy of friends who are available 24/7; they are available by any means of communication; phone, text, email, visits 24/7. There are no secrets"

My WWIT moment would have to be when I realized that I was second.  Because if I was first, XAP would have ALWAYS been available.  I recall struggling with something and wanting to talk to XAP about it, but, alas, it was the weekend and he was "unavailable".  Ah, ha.

And soon after, I started realizing that he was most persistent in trying to reach me and/or telling me how much he loved me, missed me when he was traveling i.e. away from home and W.  Guess I was just his "fun thing on the side". Duh.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010

OMG Soglad!!  Are you sure we don't have the same XAP?????

Bingo!  SAME story with me.  XAP asked me to go to a movie with him on a saturday night (yep, you guessed it; W was out of town!)  Yet, as a rule, on the weekends, I heard from him minimally.  He and his W did (and still do) everything together on the weekends, which I later learned.  Early on in the A, he told me that he golfed every saturday and sunday morning.  I later learned that "he" meant "we"!  They golfed together every weekend.  I was SO dumb.

And, as you will recall, my XAP stalked me at yoga classes to the point where I had to quit that studio.  But, I remember an occassion early on when I went to a yoga class on a weekend and there he was-with his W!  It was a very large class and I am sure she was unaware that I was there.  H*ll, she was unaware that her H was even cheating on her!   And, of course, he didn't talk to me. Duh. 

AND, he sulked, pouted, was ugly when I wanted to spend time with my girls instead of him.  EXACTLY.  The same friggin' CRAP.

Makes me angry all over again just thinking about it!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012

Hi, I have a whole 5 years worth but here is a couple that come to mind. I was newly separated and had just moved into my 1 bedroom apt. He told me he would have to go NC for a week  as his wife's dad was sick and they would have to go out of town for a visit. That same night I found out from her fb status that they were on their way for a vacation to Venice!! Yup, she updated her status while on the plane. I stayed with him another 3 years.

Last year as I was driving to his hotel, I had an accident where my tyre blew up and caused my car to spin and hit a fence. I was lucky I didnt hit a truck on the highway. I was shaking and I called him from the side of the road at least 25 times. he never answered. I called his room no and he had put a block on calls. I drove to the hotel with a doughnout that a random stranger was nice enough to fix for me and once I got there I was asked by xMM why am I always damn angry all the time. ..

I'll post more as I remember them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
being anywhere in public with him - WWIT????

going on my 'dream date' sick as a dog - WWIT?? we had plans to spend a day at a resort in town which was like a dream come true for me. my wildest fantasy of years to be alone with this man in a bedroom was happening, it was surreal. our previous meets had been in his office on his day off. just 3 times by then.
a couple days before our resort rendezvous i became very sick with the worst cold/sinus I'd ever had. he called me the night before to discuss (talking on phone with H down the hall? WWIT???) and I was.so congested and sick sounding and tried to play off as all good and confident. you see my xap was very reluctant and was very nervous about this meeting and I was so afraid that if i cancelled, i would never get hIm there again. the next morning i was running a fever!!! H left for work, leaving me to my 'sick day.' i took a steaming shower and loaded up on daytime cold medicine and chai tea and went to that hotel looking and feeling like complete crap. i put him and the stupid date first when all i should have done was take a true sick day and remain in bed to rest. but i was so desperate.
i ended up having the worst night of my life afterward because at the end of my dream date i decided to initiated our first break up and nc attempt of the affair! i realized it hurt too much to be with him. i went home, first had to pick up my daughter from preschool and make it through a whole afternoon with.her...still sick as a dog...then cried my way through family dinner with H...blamed it on how sick and exhausted i was.
i never should have gone on the date. i was so sick...WWIT????
nc didn't last and more dates happened and more nc attempts and more hurts. . one night i let hIm come to my home ... my home!! H was out of town. we are friends with our neighbors. what if they saw something...WWIT????!!!!