Ever go to HIS house? why or why not?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Ever go to HIS house? why or why not?
13
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 1:24pm

Have been wondering - how often do mistresses go to their AP's house?  

sleep in their marital bed?   just visit or what?

What would keep you FROM doing that - if the two of you know you'd not be caught???

 

curious!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 8:14am

I've done it several times. Not with current APs. I was never crazy about the idea but he wanted us to - it was a kink of his, I guess. It was disquieting seeing her things and even her scents in their bathroom. I was alot younger, don't think I'd do it now but mainly because of the risk.

 

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 8:53am

Sweet,

I know you're having a difficult time, so I'll try and be polite.....

To answer your question, no I didn't.  Why I didn't, I can't really tell you.  It never really came up.

The only person who could answer this question to your satisfaction would be your STBXH's OW, now apparently soon to be gf.  I know it hurts to realize this, but you do need to start accepting it.  Everyone is different and has different reasons for doing or not doing something.

Just focus on your own healing.  Stop torturing yourself with these questions, they'll never be answered and in the rare chance they are, what does it accomplish anyway?  Finish school, get a job, don't drag the D out too long and live your own life.

OAJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 8:16am

I have never been an OW, never will be and can't understand why anyone would want to share a man, but I have cheated during my first M.  When I bought OM to my bedroom I had already left the M. I had checked out long before. I think it varies from person to person. I think sometimes OW see it as an act of love somehow that the man is willing to bring her into his home. The OW is kept so much in the dark with such little insight into a MM's world I can imagine that an invite to his home makes her think that she really matters. IMO it is a betrayal in the worse way but that is just me.

Some ppl of course have very little regard for anyone other than themselves and they don't even think twice about sneaking into another woman's home, but some women actually do love the MM and will do anything to be a part of his world. In some affairs, like mine, the M person really just wants out of the M and unfortunately it sometimes takes falling in love with someone else to end the M. I know it's a coward's way out because I did it. It is so hard to end a M sometimes and when that "person" comes along who re-ignites your fire you loose all common sense. I understand because I have been there. It's not right but for some ppl it's like giving a starving person food.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:05am
You have some great insight here. May I ask - what were you thinking when you brought OM to your bedroom? I can see that my hub had obviously checked out long before I knew it.... It would be a huge betrayal & I only hope he hasnt had her here. OW is rather meek & her hub thinks she would be too nervous to have come here to my house. Yet she apparently knows a lot - for instance - about his personal life, our kids, our finances!,

He hadnt been selfish - until recently - that is. When asked IF hed ever been to her home - he wouldnt answer - so Im thinking he has been to hers!!! He says he'd never bring her to ours - but how can I trust that??? I would LOVE to get outta Dodge more on the weekends - but I cant if theres the chance hed bring her here. Id be all devastated again!---IF I knew --- Otherwise, Id drive myself wondering if he was lying again.

My hub says he fell in love & that's what's given him the incentive - altho I am the one who filed officially. And he has DEFINITELY lost all common sense. .....

It is my choice if I get away for a weekend, or whatever & take the chance to trust him. It is my choice - but I feel I can not leave due to the possibility of that betrayal!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 4:26pm

My A was very short (3 mos.) before I left. It was an exit A. I wanted out of the M so bad for years but couldn't bring myself to end it. My XH had cheater a LOT of times before I actually div him. I never brought OM to my home before I put ex-H out but he did come a lot after he left. I could never had done that while M to my ex-h. During an A the brain does make you do "strange" things. I did things during mine that make me cringe now when I think about it. I know for me I was SO miserable with XH and when I met OM, I felt a love like never before. I am M to my XAP now and have been for 15 years. I do regret how I left XH but I don't regret leaving him at all. I am still very happy with H. I have learned how to handle my issues and I know I won't ever cheat on my H. It wouldn't surprise me if your STBXH isn't bringing OW over to your house. Just know that ppl handle M issues differently and everyone who has an A isn't a bad person. I was M for 9 years to my first H and remained faithful until I couldn't take it anymore. I will never cheat again.

The intensity of an A sometimes makes you crave the OP really bad if you have been in a M where your needs are not being met. I am very sorry for your pain but if your H is a decent person he is in as much pain as you. I was in terrible pain when I had an A.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 12:05am
Im sorry. I can only imagine how much this HURTS. physically, emotionally, mentally. :smileysad:
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 1:36pm
I wonder too. yet it does go on, i hear. knowing the two - I really almost give OW much more credit than I do MY hub. Sure as heck hope he would not do that - but I just dont trust him.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 6:20pm
Never, ever, EVER!!!

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 4:55am

I am a MW and also was the OW, I went to my XAP's house a several times, mostly because he wanted to cook for me, so we would have lunch while his W was at work, other times I would just hang out there while he went about household chores, we never used the bed, but we would kiss and cuddle on the sofa. He also came to my house a few times and it was the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 9:17am

Yes, because he was a photographer and one of his studios was there, the most convenient one. His wife worked downtown, 30 miles away and never ever came home mid-day. The studio was on the ground floor and opened onto a little wood, enclosed by a wall, too, and not visible from the upper part of the house. We could enter the garage, get out, and enter the studio without anyone, even one in the house, seeing us. So we never made love in her bed or used the bathroom upstairs, etc. The studio was "his." By the way, his wife was having an affair, too, with a politician.