Faux pas

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Faux pas
14
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 5:02pm

5 weeks in to the break up, and I'm thinking about things I didn't miss and feeling hope for a better future.  So, why when he called today wanting to meet did I throw on nicer close, stop to fix my hair & run out the door?  We met at a park, sat and read the paper and found things to talk about from the headlines.  There was nothing romantic; we didn't talk about us at all other than his saying he wants us to go back to that park & have a picnic if the weather stays nice.  The hug goodbye lingered beyond friendly, and at this point I choose to say something dumb about how long it's been since we've had sex.  It just popped out... no pun intended.  So, of course he says he would want to if I did.  I said I didn't think it was the best thing to do & he said we can talk more about it later.

I am SO mad at myself.  First, I'm supposed to be setting this example of how I want to be respected and treated, that I'm willing to move on if he doesn't want more with me, and then I bring up sex??  Second, isn't it his place to be bringing it up since he's the one who broke up with me? (and by the way, he seemed shocked by 5 weeks so that little factoid is evidently way more important to me & does that make me look :gulp: desperate??)  Maybe I've been reading too many articles lately, but did I just basically wreck 5 weeks of work & let him think I'm fine with however he wants to treat me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:20pm

Don't be so hard on yourself Create....you two met up and shared a moment and the word sex popped up...hey--that is what makes the world go around.  Worrying about what signals you are sending out to him regarding how you should/need to be treated is a moot point.  In the end YOU are the keeper of your heart and you will determine if you let him back in--or not.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  This upcoming Saturday is an extremely emotional anniversary for YOU.  Be kind to yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 12:01am

Thanks, you are all right, I'm being too hard on myself.  This is all still raw for me, and like I said in one of my last posts, I'm putting so much pressure on myself to say and do the right things now.  When he ended it, a part of me felt I let myself be stupid in thinking this wouldn't end that way & that I let myself down for putting myself through such intense pain.  I'm not good at leading with my mind; never have been.  So I'm picking everything apart with him more than usual, being hyper-vigilant.  The thing is, I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish by doing that.

Pleases, I know after last week that he's enthusiastic about the possibility of having sex again.  But he's not bringing anything more to the table than before we broke up, so it's really up to me whether I'm ok with that or not.

Eternal, thank you for saying it's a moot point.  That helped me step back & take a long deep breath!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 11:31am

Oh create, you are being totally too hard on yourself!  I would have done my hair and probably showered before seeing AP, x or not.  lol  Never know when you might be having sex.  And as for mentioning sex, nothing wrong with that.  It is natural and something good you share with him.  Don't make it wrong, and express how you feel.  Did you hop in bed with him right away?  No, you only brought up something on your mind and he should respect that.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 4:59pm

I didn't hear from him since Fri, saw him yesterday & talked to him today.  My emotions are kind of running high & today I felt like I was being kind of needy, probably because I'm under the weather.  I still feel like he's unsure, and that's really helping me not cross the line.  He says he can handle it - us being intimate again - but I'm not so sure he can.  I empathize with it not always being easy for him to balance, and having feelings for me that don't make his life easy always, and I respect his commitment-phobic ways because I have them, too, but y'know... he needs to get over it!  :smileysurprised:

Have you 2 discussed not crossing the line again, or where do things stand?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:51pm

Never know when you might be having sex.

 

Love that!  :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 6:19pm

Oh believe me, I've felt rejected all over the place!  You have to give yourself credit for how much contact you have with him & how you're handling that... it's not easy.  The let's see thing is frustrating.  I asked xAP if we had IC, what then?  His response was no one can predict the future.  Yah, ok, Mr. Scaredy-pants.  It's seldom I have days like this, of being able to stand back & look at things from a distance, so... say something bad about your AP.  I don't mean bash him or anything, and I don't mean place blame all over.  Just say like he's immature, or non-commital, or I wish he'd make up his mind.  Say it out loud.  That is why you feel rejected, not because there's anything wrong with you!! 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 12:03pm

create ~ It's true!!!  You must be prepared.  lol

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 6:25pm
Your mother was correct. Mine said, make sure you have clean underwear on, in case you have an accident. Lol
Mine likes to get naughty pics out of the blue. I always get out of it cause I'm not prepared!!

 

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