Feeling alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2012
Feeling alone
14
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 8:01pm

I really need support and understanding from other women who are struggling with fertility issues. I am feeling very alone and invalidated by others.

My husband and I have been TTC for over a year with no success. We recently saw a fertility specilaist who prescribed me Clomid. I was so hopeful that we would fall pregnant this month as tests showed I had ovulated. However, like every month before I got my period. I even did two pregnancy tests as my period was unusual and I hoped it was breakthrough bleeding. Both came back negative.

Every month I feel like I go through a grief and loss process when I find out I'm not pregnant. I try and try not to think about falling pregnant but it consumes my thoughts. My husband feels like there is excessive pressure on him, so I try not to talk to him about it all. Family tell me to just relax and let it happen - which is easier said and done. I feel like I have no one to turn to.

I'm driving myself crazy and am really struggling to cope with it all. Every month I perceive normal hormonal fluctuations to be evidence that I am pregnant, just to have my hopes dashed time and time again. I am finding myself resentful of people who are pregnant or have babies because it seems so easy for them to have a family. To make it even more difficult, I just found out my sister-in-law is pregnant. They had major fertility issues as my brother-in-law is in remission from prostrate cancer and underwent chemo. I know I should be happy for them, but I cried when I found out. I thought 'how come even they can fall pregnant?" I feel like a terrible person for thinking this way.

I just needed to get this all out...

 

 

 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2012
In reply to: cestca
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 1:48pm

You're right...It is "so hard." I always had empathy for women/couples dealing with infertility but now I empathize on a completely different level. I had no idea how emotionally difficult it is. It really, really is.

I started out with so much excitement, then started to get worried and dissapointed, then started taking fertility tests which increased the worry/fear, then felt hopeful each time my tests came back fine, then more worry/dissappointment when we passed the year mark of TTC, then husband gets tested and the results weren't very good....suddenly now this week I am a woman that probably will never get pregnant by my husband without going through IVF & ICSI....breakdown. Why us? My deepest desire is to be a mother...and my husband has already been through so much in his life....why couldn't this have been easy?

Nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with all of the ups and downs and breakdowns.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
In reply to: numb181
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 10:27am

Hi Ladies!I completly understandy where you are coming from...I have been TTC for 3 years now and all I want in life is to be a Mother and it just gets harder and harder. I have been through all of the testing as well as my husband, I have pcos and my husband has a "decent" sperm count. We just landed pregnant on our own after trying very expensive injections and clomid for a year in a half, we took some time off from those since nothing was working and by some miracle we ended up pregnant on our own. We were so overjoyed and a week later we lost the baby, it ended up being a tubal pregnancy. My fertility Dr. said he thought their may have been two babies. This has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life and I know what you mean when you say you start to have not so great feelings towards friends and family when they tell you their pregnant, Its not that your not happy for them, you just want to be there with them. Four of my friends have landed pregnant during the time I have TTC. My sister in law  who already has 2 got pregnant with her third while I was TTC and he is now almost 2. One of my good friends had to tell me she was pregnant the week I was going through my miscarriage, it took everything I had not to cry and punch someone or something. I feel for everyone on here.

cestca wrote:
<p>You're right...It is "so hard." I always had empathy for women/couples dealing with infertility but now I empathize on a completely different level. I had no idea how emotionally difficult it is. It really, really is.</p> <p>I started out with so much excitement, then started to get worried and dissapointed, then started taking fertility tests which increased the worry/fear, then felt hopeful each time my tests came back fine, then more worry/dissappointment when we passed the year mark of TTC, then husband gets tested and the results weren't very good....suddenly now this week I am a woman that probably will never get pregnant by my husband without going through IVF &amp; ICSI....breakdown. Why us? My deepest desire is to be a mother...and my husband has already been through so much in his life....why couldn't this have been easy?</p> <p>Nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with all of the ups and downs and breakdowns.</p>

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 2:45pm
Welcome numb181. I'm sorry that you have been struggling with infertility yourself, and that you suffered a miscarriage. Doesn't that just seem like a slap in the face after finally getting that BFP? (((HUGS)))

Pages