HLs don't always want the truth :-(
Find a Conversation
HLs don't always want the truth :-(
| Wed, 09-26-2012 - 2:47pm |
Well, I guess I survived the ML weekend from hell. I'm still married, and DH didn't file for divorce...yet. I don't know, maybe I'm being over dramatic about this. This is how it went down:
Saturday AM-
He initiates, I refuse because I have aunt flo visiting. He says, "you always tell me that as an excuse. We used to work around it". I say "I have cramps, and I am not in the mood". Things come to a head with him saying that I never make time for it.
I figured, ok now is the time to tell the truth. I tell him, "I am not attracted to you as I used to be. You let yourself go, you dont't take care to look good and you won't stop smoking like I asked you to over and over again. It is ruining your teeth. It affects your breath. I know I have my problems and stretch marks, but I've lost weight and I invited you to join me but you call it nagging. This is the result."
Well he didn't want to hear that, he wants me to agree to work on it. I told him the truth, he still wants to be kept in the ML "lala land" of empty promises. I was so tired of lying and having this hanging over my head all of the time. We are on a 2 month dry spell.
The truth hurts but I am tired of hurting him as well as myself with lies.
Saturday AM-
He initiates, I refuse because I have aunt flo visiting. He says, "you always tell me that as an excuse. We used to work around it". I say "I have cramps, and I am not in the mood". Things come to a head with him saying that I never make time for it.
I figured, ok now is the time to tell the truth. I tell him, "I am not attracted to you as I used to be. You let yourself go, you dont't take care to look good and you won't stop smoking like I asked you to over and over again. It is ruining your teeth. It affects your breath. I know I have my problems and stretch marks, but I've lost weight and I invited you to join me but you call it nagging. This is the result."
Well he didn't want to hear that, he wants me to agree to work on it. I told him the truth, he still wants to be kept in the ML "lala land" of empty promises. I was so tired of lying and having this hanging over my head all of the time. We are on a 2 month dry spell.
The truth hurts but I am tired of hurting him as well as myself with lies.
Latest from the board
- New here. Porn/No Sex 9
- What happened to this board? 4
- Once a month? 5
- Mismatched....or just troubled 3
- Happy New Year! 4
- Boosting Testosterone Leads to Dramatic Increases in Libido, Energy, and Stamina
- One solution? 21
- Am I a sex-crazed heathen? Or just HL? Is there a line? 4
- My young husband has no sex drive! 29
- abandon ship! 8
Memeber Support
Visit our Member Support area or browse the iVillage Help forum
| Q: | Where can I change my password? |
| A: | Log in, go to Edit My Preferences, and click the Account tab. Make and save your changes. |
Pages
When you see it coming, duck!
And if your spouse is out for revenge, clearly communicating your wants and needs can actually give them information so that they may more effectively exact that revenge.
I have my faults too, I'm not denying that, and I always wanted sex less than him, but my desire was lessened due to these issues. My question is this, should a person give sex to their partner regardless of what else is going on in the relationship?
Of course in most circles I'm considered a freak, so take it with a grain of salt.
My answer: if your partner wants it, yes, you should. Full stop. When you can't do that anymore without feeling intolerable resentment, time to leave.
And of course, I am not talking about one or a few instances. But over months and years, yes, you should either be providing sex on a regular basis to a partner who desires sex even if you are rarely or never in the mood for it for yourself, or you should allow your partner to seek sex elsewhere. Otherwise, you are saying to your partner "I know you aren't getting what you want from me out of this relationship, and I will not tolerate your getting it from someone else, but I want you to stay with me so I can get what I want from you out of this relationship." And that is not loving.
Neither is it loving to settle for something like: I know I'm not giving you what you want from me, but you aren't giving me what I want either, so we're even.
Not suggesting I live up to this aspirational goal with respect to the non-sexual aspects of our relationship. But as I have said many times, anyone who chooses to model their behavior on mine is a fool.
When you see it coming, duck!
I don't want to hear the truth. The truth is my wife finds me unattractive. Physically and emotionally. I don't have a hot bod. I don't make enough money. And I'm not "all that" in bed.
I know all that. But I still don't want to hear the words from her. How could I have sex with her after she asid the words. As it is, we can pretend that there is hope and we can keep trying to make it better. But if she admitted that it is hopeless, that might create a wall I couldn't scale.
When you see it coming, duck!
Sometimes I wish I didn't say anything...
Miranda, we discussed opening the relationship, even swinging. But nothing materialized as far as I know. He is scared of STDs, and he doesn't want to bring others in. He wants me to desire him like I used to.
Writing this post is breaking my heart...
Pages