HLs don't always want the truth :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
HLs don't always want the truth :-(
63
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 2:47pm
Well, I guess I survived the ML weekend from hell. I'm still married, and DH didn't file for divorce...yet. I don't know, maybe I'm being over dramatic about this. This is how it went down:

Saturday AM-

He initiates, I refuse because I have aunt flo visiting. He says, "you always tell me that as an excuse. We used to work around it". I say "I have cramps, and I am not in the mood". Things come to a head with him saying that I never make time for it.

I figured, ok now is the time to tell the truth. I tell him, "I am not attracted to you as I used to be. You let yourself go, you dont't take care to look good and you won't stop smoking like I asked you to over and over again. It is ruining your teeth. It affects your breath. I know I have my problems and stretch marks, but I've lost weight and I invited you to join me but you call it nagging. This is the result."

Well he didn't want to hear that, he wants me to agree to work on it. I told him the truth, he still wants to be kept in the ML "lala land" of empty promises. I was so tired of lying and having this hanging over my head all of the time. We are on a 2 month dry spell.

The truth hurts but I am tired of hurting him as well as myself with lies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:59pm
As I have mentioned, the smoking resulted in severe dental issues which need extensive work. I still have all of my teeth, and I take good care of my teeth. You can consider me vain, but I intended on both of us having all of our teeth well into our seventies. My grandfather had all of his teeth all of his life until he passed at 96 yrs. I can understand having an accident, but not just for neglect.

My husband was "nagged" about this, now that we have ML all he hears is "I don't want sex". He forgot all about the whys I told him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:33pm

I'm with Miranda on him doubting your sincerity.

Are you 100% sure that if he quit smoking and lost some weight that you would be having more sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:24pm
Dwifey,

My DH had quit smoking for 4-5 months, before we made this trip to Florida for our wedding. Being around my mother, who chain smokes and our families, which stress us out, he started back up again. I'm FURIOUS about it. He put me through HELL while he quit (and it has happened multiple times now) I swore if he started back up again there was no going back, no "trying to quit" another time. However, now that I've said that, he REEKS. I hate it. And he only smokes outside, not in the house anymore. I'm not going back on that. He WILL smoke outside only!

Sorry for the only semi-related rant. In any case, yes, that message is one the HL frequently won't hear. Of course how can they accept that, when we've been going on and on with the ML in place and never brought it up until now? It must just be another excuse. This is the downside of having been kind. Now that you are no longer being kind, nothing you say can be taken as serious truth. ugh.

Is there any chance he would consider going to counseling with you? I can't see any other way to reverse the slide you are in.

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