just trying to get through the days

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
just trying to get through the days
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:19pm

Yep, I'm still here.  Last contact was 9/7/12.  And this time it was me who said I'm done.  Really done. I've felt good about the decision and know that  it's the right time to move on.  I've made no contact with him since then. 

But now, he has sent me four messages since Sunday. This is the first since I said no more.  All are hurtful and mean and are meant to draw a response from me.  I  am resisting the urge to reply.  His true colors are coming through as he shows how vindictive and cruel he really is.  Asking me how it feels to not be good enough for him. 

It's not like he's even trying to be nice to me. And when I really think about it, I don't know if he ever was.  I have to see it for what it is.  He doesn't care about me and never did.  He's just pissed that I'm in control of the situation. 

So, I decided to come here instead and hope that this will be enough to keep me strong.  Without him I feel clean.  And safe.  Nothing good will come out of having any further contact with him.  I want to continue to feel lucky to be out of that situation and be grateful for what I have that is good in my life. 

I'm just not going to fold.  I know he'll continue to press, hoping that I will.

This is what's right for me. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 4:14pm
It worries me that the same cycle continues ... what if he changes it up and is 'nice' to you? It just seems a little game-y, he thinks you're 'in control', etc.

Can you not block him? Does he think it's a fight or over-over-over?

I wish you success, please stick around!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:09pm
Why haven't you blocked him?
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:35pm
Hi Blonde,
Glad to see you post in again. And well done on over two weeks NC  I do agree with Gyspy about blocking. Can you? Will you? He will just keep going till you cave. When I read the the words vindictive and cruel it kind of raises a little red flag for me. There seems something quite toxic about someone who would say to another person "how does it feel not to be good enough for him". Why would you ever allow him the opportunity to say that a second time to you? When control is taken away from a controlling person yes you will indeed see their true colours and then some! As you are seeing they do indeed become cruel and vindictive.

It sounds like you have had a light bulb moment and enough is enough. It will be tough, it will hurt but you can do this. It's time for you to dig deep hun and try and work out whats going on within you that keeps you in this painful place.  Individual therapy is a great place to start, but the very first thing you must must must do is block - if you are serious about this. Every single avenue of contact. I hope you can do it Blonde, read in the healing library and post, we have all been where you are, wanting out and just needing a bit of support in bolting the door shut for good. It's here, and it helps - a lot

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:40pm

If you block him you won't have to deal with any of this. You are in control - keep hold of that and do not respond to him. Clearly he is showing his real character but it does sound as though we're he saying the right things you'd want it back. It hardly sounds as though he cares for you if that's hiw he speaks to you. Keep resisting the urge to respond - hold onto feeling in control because you are. You get to decide how this will go - decide wisely.

Much love

Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 7:31pm

My JAM said something similar.  He said "I'm a liar" and, like you and many others, I didn't listen.

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 
― Maya Angelou

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life.

I'm glad you are working at blocking his shots.  And really, it wouldn't take much explaining in regards to changing your phone number.  A simple "I was having trouble with a relentless scamming outfit' would suffice.  Do not leave any avenue opened to protect yourself.