What would you do? Advice please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
What would you do? Advice please.
18
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 3:56pm
My friend's daughter, Amy, goes to a small, private liberal arts college. Amy runs on the track team of the college and the coach made Amy give him the names and addresses of "x" number of people so letters could be sent out requesting donations to the track team. Amy gave him our name. I don't mind supporting my friend's kid's, but with my own kid in college this seems like an unreasonable request. Am I wrong? Amy and her mom have made it clear that they did not want to send me the letter, but they had to and they don't want me to feel obligated to donate. What would you guys do? Thanks, Robin

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 6:23pm
I'd ignore it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 6:26pm
I would ignore it also. She fulfilled her part of the requirement by submitting the names. You have no obligation to donate. I'm sure they only expect a small percentage of donations to come in.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 11:19pm
Hi Robin, Was the letter written and signed by Amy or was it a form letter where they put her name in from the coach/school? If Amy's mom told you they felt pressure to give names of family and friends I would write to the athletic director and along with asking the school to remove me from their list I would say i was writing to make a statement regarding the ethics of forcing team members to divulge names for fear of the coach.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 11:28pm
I would also ignore it, and I would NOT make an issue of it either. You certainly don't want to stir up things that could blow back in your friends' dd's face, for no real reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 8:56am
It was a form letter that was signed by Amy. Then she added a little note "please don't feel obligated to donate". It kind of reminded me of the old joke about finding a fortune in a cookie that said "help, I am a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory". I feel terrible for Amy. She is forced to do this. I really don't want to cause trouble for her. It has to be frustrating to be paying close to $50,000/year and still have to beg friends and family to give more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 8:58am
Thanks to all of you. I think I will just ignore it with a clear conscience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 10:29am

I'm very surprised that they are asking for donations--doesn't the school's athletic dept. cover all their costs?  If it was someone I knew well, I might send a small donation, like $10.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 12:48pm
Giving a small donation was my first reaction and then I started to think, if I am going to give money away I want to give it to things that seem worthy. Now if they were doing some sort of run for charity I would not hesitate to support Amy. I would also probably donate to the track team of a public university, but I really don't want to give money to a small private college. Also, I am pretty sure that if I sent them $10 I would be inundated with more than $10 worth of mailings asking me to give more- LOL. I have run into that several times before and I find it really frustrating. Now I completely understand that anonymous gifts are not necessarily altruistic, perhaps the giver just wants the charity to leave them alone.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 3:03pm

I'm with everybody else, ignore it. At first I was wondering if Amy is there on an athletic scholarship in which case I could maybe justify the coach telling her to try to bring in donations---kind of a lite version of grad students being required to write grants in hopes of funding their positions. But since you say that the family is paying nearly $50K/year for her to attend I think that its sleazy to make the students do that. I had also thought about complaining to the head of women's athletics...I guess you would need to think of how that could come back to haunt Amy (per Sabr's suggestion) even though she's not responsible for the actions of the people who received the donations letter...maybe in their ivory tower they don't realize that forced solicitation for money may not reflect well on the institution.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 4:03pm
Thanks so much for your opinion, I feel much better about ignoring the letter. I don't think I want to complain to anyone. Anyone that would make Amy do this may take it out on her. I am just curious if anyone else has ever heard of something like this. It just seems so weird. Why would they expect family friends of a student to donate to their institution? It seems that colleges are lucky if they get donations from alumni.

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