I confessed to my BF and now I regret it.

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I confessed to my BF and now I regret it.
8
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:34pm

I couldn't deny cheating on my BF any longer. Last Thursday night I finally told him that yes I had cheated on him but I continued to lie and was adamant that it only happened once, a one night stand. I wish it was just a one night stand and not an affair. My BF asked questions and I had to answer. Who was this guy? Do I know him? Where did you meet him? What happened between you guys? Oh man....

I told him where I met him.  I told him how it happened. According to my BF he had a dream and in his dream I was standing outside of the establishment with the other guy and I was asking him for a ride to my vehicle. That is EXACTLY how it went down. He said he had this dream months ago and that he knew that I had cheated a long time ago. Great. He wanted to know where this guy lived. He guessed right around the corner from the establishment. I wasn't going to say yes but that is the case.  I swore up and down that it was a one time deal and I have never seen the other guy. Right....The last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago. I am not sure I will hear from him again since I don't text him and when I left his place I told him I was mad at him. He got into a relationship but him and the girl recently broke it off but they still keep in touch. She wanted to get married and have kids and he doesn't want that. I told him to go get sex from her. He said he doesn't want to. Of course he doesn't! She'll think they are back together again.

I feel like such a bitch for what I did. My BF texted me the other night "F$%^ you and your cheating a#$" He broke up with me. Said he was humiliated and he wanted nothing to do with me. He told me to go to the other guy. I told him that I did not want to be with the other guy. Because really I don't want to be with him. I have no idea what I was thinking going back to the other guy after our initial hook up.

I regret confessing to my BF but a part of me feels better about doing so. I have ruined all the trust he had in me and I HATE that. I never wanted my BF to find out what I did but it came out of my drunken mouth! I told my BF that the guilt and anger was eating me up.  I did tell him that the last time I saw the guy was about 3 weeks ago now. He came into our neighborhood on the way to a job. I told my BF that seeing him set me off. That is why I started picking fights with him because I was angry with myself.

My BF has since then taken back saying that it is over between us. He loves me. I know that I do love him and I do not wish to leave him for another man.  What I am extremely confused about is that I know if the other guy texts me I more than likely will still reply and knowing me I probably will go see him.  For some unknown reason I can not just ignore his texts. I need to do that. He has done the same with me hence the reason as to why I no longer text him anymore.

I don't understand why a grown ass man still wants to be in FWB or FB relationships especially with a girl that is in a relationship...?

For now I have to be on my best behavior and somehow regain my BFs trust. I feel like crap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 6:36pm

What an emotionally draining time this has been for you!  I am really impressed that your BF has come back and wants to work through this.  I don't want to be harsh, but if you know in your heart that you can't be faithful to him, you owe it to him to be honest about that, or to figure out what would need to change, whether it's within the R itself or within you alone.  Why do you regret confessing?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 7:02pm

You did the right and moral thing to confess. If you don't want to leave BF to go with the other guy, then don't, but don't try to have your BF back because you love each other or whatever...it will never be like it was between you and BF... move on....

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 9:50pm
Yes, stop beating yourself up. I applaud you for being open and honest. It's the better alternative to being caught. The hurt is more painful.
I have the same, a loving adoring h who gives me whatever I want and I love him more than anything. I don't even like ap, yet when we are together it's amazing!! He is a total jerk who ignores me all the time. Sometimes something happens between two people. They are drawn to each other. I wish it could be explained.
Things will never be the same if you remain with your boyfriend. For one, their is something your r lacks that made you look elsewhere. Secondly, he doesn't trust you. Lack of trust sucks. Take it from me. I am always question. After d day, I had to take pics of my sister or something in a room to prove I was where I said. I called it lockdown. I couldn't do anything. It is still kind of like that but after 3 years I work around it. I need freedom. But I constantly get accused of talking to ap. it still hurts him and I only have a little trust back. What I am tryin to say is, be prepared. And think if you really want to ride out your pain and his. It's a tough journey.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 9:58pm
Pleases ~ I try to balance both. It's tiring. Lol
I think there is that one person out there who we can have with everything we want and need. We may never find them. It's like, if a tree falls in the forest, and noone is around to hear it, does it make a sound? :smileyhappy:

 

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