I confessed to my BF and now I regret it.
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 09-26-2012 - 5:34pm|
I couldn't deny cheating on my BF any longer. Last Thursday night I finally told him that yes I had cheated on him but I continued to lie and was adamant that it only happened once, a one night stand. I wish it was just a one night stand and not an affair. My BF asked questions and I had to answer. Who was this guy? Do I know him? Where did you meet him? What happened between you guys? Oh man....
I told him where I met him. I told him how it happened. According to my BF he had a dream and in his dream I was standing outside of the establishment with the other guy and I was asking him for a ride to my vehicle. That is EXACTLY how it went down. He said he had this dream months ago and that he knew that I had cheated a long time ago. Great. He wanted to know where this guy lived. He guessed right around the corner from the establishment. I wasn't going to say yes but that is the case. I swore up and down that it was a one time deal and I have never seen the other guy. Right....The last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago. I am not sure I will hear from him again since I don't text him and when I left his place I told him I was mad at him. He got into a relationship but him and the girl recently broke it off but they still keep in touch. She wanted to get married and have kids and he doesn't want that. I told him to go get sex from her. He said he doesn't want to. Of course he doesn't! She'll think they are back together again.
I feel like such a bitch for what I did. My BF texted me the other night "F$%^ you and your cheating a#$" He broke up with me. Said he was humiliated and he wanted nothing to do with me. He told me to go to the other guy. I told him that I did not want to be with the other guy. Because really I don't want to be with him. I have no idea what I was thinking going back to the other guy after our initial hook up.
I regret confessing to my BF but a part of me feels better about doing so. I have ruined all the trust he had in me and I HATE that. I never wanted my BF to find out what I did but it came out of my drunken mouth! I told my BF that the guilt and anger was eating me up. I did tell him that the last time I saw the guy was about 3 weeks ago now. He came into our neighborhood on the way to a job. I told my BF that seeing him set me off. That is why I started picking fights with him because I was angry with myself.
My BF has since then taken back saying that it is over between us. He loves me. I know that I do love him and I do not wish to leave him for another man. What I am extremely confused about is that I know if the other guy texts me I more than likely will still reply and knowing me I probably will go see him. For some unknown reason I can not just ignore his texts. I need to do that. He has done the same with me hence the reason as to why I no longer text him anymore.
I don't understand why a grown ass man still wants to be in FWB or FB relationships especially with a girl that is in a relationship...?
For now I have to be on my best behavior and somehow regain my BFs trust. I feel like crap.