Weird friends attitude

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Weird friends attitude
6
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 9:29pm

I have felt very lonely this last years and started to making some new friends. I have a neighbor with whom I have a lot in common. We like movies, are curious about cultural stuff and both are divorced. She sometimes invites me to watch a movie at her place.

But there are things I don´t like about her. It has been two times that she gets mad (once she slapped on the table) if I don´t agree with her or have a different opinion. One time it was about Lady DI´s death and another was about illegal.( Is that that important to get mad?)  

She also sometimes starts talking and talking and no one can stop her. If I want to watch someone talking and talking, I rather choose a TV program of my interest and watch someone talk about an issue, but also sometimes the closeness of a person is something I need.

I want to keep the good in her and block the bad on her. But the thing of getting mad about something is always unexpected. I need to have all kind of resurces to handle her.

Because of being lonely I have previously engaged in friendships that were not good to me.

What do you think?   Isn't´t she weird? What would you do?

Am I being passive?

Thanks in advance!

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:53pm
Why not just plan things like watching a movie together where she really doesn't have the opportunity to talk too much if that's when you start to dislike her? Many of my friends don't do everything I like with me but they each have activities that they and I enjoy; so, we do the things we like to do in common and do other stuff with others or on our own. You're not likely to ever find a person who will agree with you all the time and share everything you like to do.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 11:22am

Yes, she is weird and that's putting it mildly.

I think her reaction to being disagreed with is extreme and bizarre.  You need to ask yourself if her friendship is worth walking on eggshells all the time and not disagreeing with her (therefore not being true to yourself).  For me, it would not be.  There are a lot of people out there who can accept disagreement the way that mature adults are supposed to (versus slamming on the table and getting in a huff).  Try to increase your exposure and make more friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 7:47pm

Thanks to all of you for your time and reply.

wsb629, very good what you said. I have been working on making more friends, because it is hard to know when she will get mad if my opinion differs from hers.

The poster who said that she might think that having a different opinion makes her feel, she is wrong is also right. Last time with our different opinion about illegals. In a calm and nice way, I told her." Your opinion is different and it is respectable, but my opinion is as respectable as yours".

But I have realized that that is a trait she has, and to be honest is makes me kind of unconformable to never know when she´ll get mad and slam on a table. Guess it must be an issue of her childhood.

I used to go to her place looking for her to chat a while; I don´t do that anymore and she has a business where I went to visit her and chat, but I do it less. We went to concert and had fun but after that we went to restaurant with some friends of her. She and her friends are against the church and I expressed my opinion and regret it later. It was a small thing and she thought it was just a misunderstanding.

So I guess, Lady Di´s death, illegals and church are not topics with her. LOL          God only knows what else.....lol 

I find her controlling, and I dislike controllers.

Who knows what will happen, but I don´t feel like visiting her much. Thanks God, she never comes to my place, so it´s up to me how much I want to see her.

I need to make more friends.

 

Thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 7:55pm

Good advice, I´ll accept her invitations to watch movies, where she won´t be able to talk non stop. :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 8:34pm
Those are pretty sensitive topics for alot of people.

You say you remain calm while telling your opinion, but I can't help but wonder how sensitive you are in stating them.

I once up-ended a table on some folks after hearing one of the most despicable opinions about one of the subjects you mentioned. Was I right in doing that? Probably not. But 2 of the 3 people at the table, with drinks spilled down their front, had no problem with it.

You are right in thinking you should spend less time with her. I can't say what's going on, but if she's getting that mad... well, she might have a reason.