I'm new, looking for moms of grown kids
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 09-26-2012 - 11:24pm|
Hey everyone. I found this board while I was looking for a group to join who would understand my feelings about having my kids growing up. I've got to get some of this off my chest! First, my introduction:
My name is Erin. I'm 36. I'm married (second husband) to Ryan for almost 15 years. We have 5 kids, DS (20), DS (19), DD (15), DS (13) and DS (11). I'm a SAHM - I always have been, save for a few part time jobs. I live in Central California, and I homeschool my 15 y/o DD and my 13 y/o DS.
Both my 20 y/o and 19 y/o DS's live at home. They both work full time. My 19 y/o goes to school full time as well (12 units). My 20 y/o went to college 3 semesters, failed most of his classes, and decided he wasn't a "college guy".. so he dropped out and went to work full time. He's already the asst. mgr at a large mechanic franchise. He's doing very well. They are both heavily involved in ministry and volunteer a lot of their time.
So, this getting married thing... I need to talk to someone about it who gets what I'm saying. I absolutely ADORE my DIL-to-be. She and my son have been together 4½ years. She is really a good match for him. I've practically watched her grow up. I'm thrilled that he chose her. I probably would have chosen her myself if I'd had the option. but... and this is where I start to feel like a terrible person... I'm starting to get a little freaked out about my son getting married and leaving home. They've been engaged since Christmas Eve last year, so I've known it's coming, and I was doing really well with it. I didn't cry or even feel any twinge of sadness until about 3 weeks ago. I cried once, but then felt like a bad person because I really do love my DIL to be, and I don't want my sadness to reflecton how I feel about her. It's not her. At all.
See, I was 15 when I had my DS. It was me and him (and very shortly after, my second DS) against the world, to put it melo-dramatically (lol). I gave up my childhood to raise him. I don't know anything else but taking care of him (and my other kids of course). I've almost literally always been his mom. I keep telling myself that I'm still going to be his mom, our relationship is just going to change. That doesn't really make me feel much better. I also tell myself I'm not losing a son, I'm gaining a daughter-in-law. That helps a little, but it doesn't take the sadness away. Don't get me wrong, it's not a debilitating sadness. It's just this feeling in my heart... I don't know how to accurately describe it.
I had a dream the other night that my 19 y/o was a baby again. There was no point to the dream at all. I was just holding him and cuddling him. I was watching him smile and coo like infants do. I held him close to my chest and patted his back. I woke up feeling so... refreshed. So... content. It was like I got to hold my baby again. I don't know what my brain is doing. It must be sorting out some issues (lol).
So, I know that I don't know any of you here. I hope you don't mind me dumping all this out here on my first post. I tried to talk to DH about it the other night and he said that I needed to start working on letting go. That ticked me off, so I decided I can't talk to him about it. It's not a matter of letting go. I know he is a man now, and I respect that. I'm so very proud of the man he is. I'm proud of his decisions and his character. I trust that I've done my job and I know he will be ok. This is my first time. My oldest child. I just don't know how to do this yet.