Is this what jaded feels like?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Is this what jaded feels like?
10
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 3:47pm

I have a coffee meet with a guy tomorrow. He looks good on paper including his pics and I am interested.

But I am so afraid of getting my hopes up and only to be disappointed again.  How can one keep being hopeful?

Whenever I am interested, the guy seldom is. Makes wonder if I am too high?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 3:51pm

I actually think it's better to go into these things w/ low expectations so you won't be too disappointed if it doesn't work out.  I have been in trouble in the past when you start projecting into the future & thinking that you're going to have this great romance and then you don't like each other that much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 4:34pm

It is hard to be excited and hopeful about every new meet, don't be too hard on yourself.  I would focus on being relaxed, and open to possibility.  Maybe there will bea a spark, maybe there won't be.  But maybe you'll have a fascinating converation about something either way.  Maybe you'll learn something new, or just enjoy being in a new place. 

To me "jaded" would be assuming the worst before you even meet him.  Really's he's a brand new book and you're just going to open up the first few pages and see.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 9:01pm

I used play little jedi mind games with myself.  I basically would envision it as going to meet with a potential new friend.  If something else comes out of it, great, if not, no big deal.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 7:40pm

I just came back from the meet.

The guy is nice and successful careerwise.

I am interested but I think he is not since he did not ask for another meet.

This guy is so busy with his hobbies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:12am

If you look at it as a chance to do something fun rather than meeting potential new bf/husband then maybe you wouldn't be so disappointed if it didn't work.

 It's a long way from 'good on paper' to relastionship, but you never know.

I think you get hopeful when you meet a guy who excites you. You will know. Right now I'm hopeless and depressed but not suicidal so don't call the police :smileyhappy: 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:17am

A few months ago, I went to a meet with a very promising guy. Tall, attractive, successful. We stayed in the restaurant from 6-9PM. conversation flowed well. He appeared interested (i.e toching my hand, my necklace). Hugged me at the end of the night.

No second meet. I think sometimes a guy acts interested just to see if he feels any romance, if he doesn't feel it he won't make a second date.  

Busy with anything is just an excuse. Sexual excitement trumps all interests!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 12:45pm

I think sometimes they act interested just to see if they can get you into bed.  When that doesn't happen, they know faking it won't get them anywhere so they never call again.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 8:03pm

No, I won't call the police I promise :smileyhappy:

Right now time is your friend. With time you will feel better.

Are you guys still emailing each other?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:03pm

yeah, we still email occasionally but primarily platonic in nature. He has an incredible mind but a bit cuckoo and just downright mean. No harm in being pen-pals. I really don't have any romantic feelings for him.  Definately no plan to meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:06pm

yeah, I was sad a little about that one. That's another aspect I didn't consider. If I gave some indication I might have sex with him, maybe he would have called but then it wouldn't be what I wanted. No loss!