First Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
First Affair
22
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 4:46pm

hello. I"m like the cliche of affairs. I never thought this would be something I would do. I've been married for almost 9 years. My DH isn't sexual to me and this is something that has effected our marriage. We've gone over a year without sex. We argue alot. He's critical of me.

Then I met up with my highschool crush. This is a guy who 20 years ago was my BFF. We never hooked up in HS but he was always there driving me to school or work. In college, I would come home on the weekends and go visit him. Fast forward 20 years and we meet to catch up. 4 weeks later we are in a HOT affair. First it was just making out and being together. Then I set aside all my morals and gave myself to him. It unleased a sexuality I never thought I had. in 8 days we've had hot sex 10 times! That's more than I get in a year sometimes!!!!

I should feel guilty right? He should feel guilty right? We don't. We've had this underlying crush on each other for 20 years. His marriage is sour too. I want to wear my big girl panies and realize it is just a phase for the both of us but I'm madly crazy insane for him. He cares for me. He tells me how sexy I am and makes me feel good. He does things for me. Takes care of me.

How long does this feeling last?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:03pm

Hi.  Not sure what to say, except be prepared for a whole host of feelings as time goes on.

I had my first affair starting in June, into my 11th year of marriage (my 2nd husband).

I recently ended it, since we live 500 miles away and seeing each other with any regularity is next to impossible.  Plus, he is still separated (has been over a year) and hasn't yet finalized his divorce.

In my own situation, my affair was doomed from the start, but I went for it anyway, as I am married to someone with a lot of unresolved anger that is often aimed at me.

 

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:11pm
I just don't connect with my DH anymore. I try emotional but it doesn't work. I try sexually but my advances are ignored. He's a good guy but gets angry at me too a lot. I am insane! I NEVER THOUGHT I would have an affair. My affair only lives 35 minutes away. I currently get to see him maybe 2 - 3 times a week. Now that I'm sexually satisfied and emotionally happy, my DH has been really sweet. Though he still doesn't want sex from me. I never thought I would be asking someone to get condoms again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:38pm

please32

Sending your way! :smileyhappy: I know, it's incredible. I have never had that happen before. I swear he has unleashed some sexuality in me. He just makes me feel good all the way around. We lay naked and talk about everything afterwards. Silly stuff. I laugh hysterical with him. I think what makes it so wonderful is we were BFF in HS. We lost touch some 15 years ago. He's never cheated nor have I. In the back of my head I feel like it could come crashing down and be over. It's nice be taken care of physically, emotionally and even have him fix something broken in my house.

DH and I haven't had a good sex life in years maybe never. I thought I was content and okay with it. Okay bc I didn't ever want to destory the family. When is the guilt going to set in?

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 6:11pm
Welcome!
Most of us go into an affair thinking the same thing. I thought I never would, but we did and here we are!
A's can be very rewarding, especially in the beginning. I don't think I have had sex 10 times this year!! Lol But over time, feelings change, and we change. It becomes quite the roller coaster. Especially since you are both married.
Have fun with it though!!

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 6:22pm

Welcome! :smileyhappy:

My xAP is Catholic, so when he didn't feel guilt about our A, he then felt guilty about not feeling guilt. lol

It's a unique situation where you already have such a comfort level with him, and that could be a big part of why it's so amazing.  All I can tell you is enjoy it right now! If the A continues, there will be plenty of ups & downs and time to ponder guilt.  But right now, it sounds like you deserve this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:46am

Oh yah!  xAP is in that age range, and our sex life was crazy good!   :sigh:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 8:18pm

pleases32

We are still doing well. The weekends are hard because we can't see each other. I had my first slight of guilt this week. I was just looking at my DH and thought, he doesn't deserve this. If only he could give me this attention. It's not like the lack of attention happened overnight. It's been like this for awhile.

I am enjoying this ride for now. I love being with my new man. I love listening to him talk. I love our intimacy. I love the way he is such a man but has a cheesy side to him too. My heart has been with him for over 20 years and it is like we haven't skipped a beat. We never dated in High School.

Yes, I've gone from one extreme to the other. I now have affection from physical to emotional. Makes total sense!

Am I good women? No man deserves this to happen to them no matter what. I was content to "suffer" the rest of my life without intimacy because that was the right thing to do. I wasn't looking.

Should I feel good about making someone else feel bad?

It is a ride! I can't get enough!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 8:19pm
It's quite the roller coaster and quite a maze to figure out when we can see each other. It is very rewarding but I'm also aware that it goes fast and the reward can deminish after the newness runs low.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 8:21pm
createsomething - THANKS. I am so comfortable with him. Sometimes I think we missed out on such a great life together. He came to ask me out 16 years ago and he chickened out! Imagine what it could of been like. I've never connected like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 8:22pm
cowgirl7795 - I know! Isn't it amazing what we can have with our A but never with our DH? My DH never goes twice!

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