Please help me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Please help me...
4
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:20pm

Hello , i;m Bill im 47 and ive been separated from my wife 2 times now....When we got back together after being separated for over a year,, things went downhill pretty fast .. We argued Constantly , I worked 2 jobs and paid all the bills except the cell phone, and she wouldnt Stop Chile support that i'd been paying since the first time we were separated....I asked her why and she used the excuses that she didnt want to take the kids down there and she didnt have the money....I took a Vacation day and wrote her a check, and eliminated those problems.. she still chose not to stop it.....Asking why not.. she stated,," now i dont know whether or not were going to work out"....I told her it was unfiar to live with me and collect support as that i paid for everthing for our 3 sons......So she left and now lives in a 2 bedroom Condo with her Mom, Step Dad, Sister, and our 3 sons......Theyve been gone a year now...Im a mess...She has residential custody..and im limited wheen i can see them because of work , and her...Child support doesnt seem to care..,She came over for a while being all friendly , wanting sex and all .. but a few months ago i put a stop to it saying i want to be your husband , not a friend with benifits.....I want to get an Attorney but any ive talked to want 1300.00 to open the drawer and get out paperwork......I miss my kids.. shes been ok letting me see them up until the last 4 or 5 months..making me go Wed. thru Sunday without seeing them,,,,,,I;m not seeing them enough.....I'm so angry but i love her...i'm old fashioned........now she wont even answer my texts.....I just want to see my kids more....more to this story......i just need help i've been crying for Days....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:35pm

wow; first I have to say that is an awful lot of people in a two bedroom condo?? How do they do it ?

Second I was thinking have you ever gone to a fathers rights groups or anything of that sort.. I was listening to the radio last night. Joy Brown show and a man called in with the same exact problem.. Joy Brown (therapist and talk show host) recommended the caller find a support group or a father;s rights group in his area or the famous one that is always advertised. Sorry I dont know what its called.

Other than that you can also go to your local family court to intake and see a counselor or state worker for child support and visitation.Sometimes you dont have to pay high legal fees as you can use your family court system for a separation.. If you decide to divorce you def. need a lawyer.. These days custody seems to be 50.50 and your wife cannot keep those kids from you.

I would also call them on a daily basis and see how they are doing? How old are they? Are any old enough to want to see you themselves? If so they can and your wife cant do anything about it..

I would first start with family court though............

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 6:20pm

I'm not totally sure what it is that you want--do you just want to see your kids more?  Do you want a divorce?  I do think you should get a consultation w/ an atty--usually it's either free or low cost.  Then you could have info about your legal rights.  So are you saying that you get to see your kids M & T?  How often would you want to see them if you could?  Would you want to try for custody?  Frankly I'm surprised that no one has stepped in because of their current living situation--how is there anywhere for the kids to sleep?  I think you would have to report that to child protective services, but knowing that you did that certainly wouldn't make her more cooperative.  Do you have time to see the kids on the weekends?  How old are they?  You see there are a lot of issues here.  When you say that an atty wants a $1300 retainer, I have to say that being an atty, I think that's very low.  Where I live, if I filed the paperwork for someone, then I'd be stuck with the case even if they didn't pay later and it depends on what your issues are how complicated it would be.  Getting more visitation might not be too hard, but changing residential custody might be very difficult & time consuming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 7:16pm

sons are 10, 6 and 4...she came up with this schedule after i went a 4 day stretch without seeing them a while back and i got mad ,,she said i get them every monday and wednesday and every other friday saturday sunday,,, but i dont get to keep them over.. except for Saturday night ..thats the only time they sleep over every other Saturday..I want to see them more than i do..I told her its not fair she has more control over them than i do ..theres no reason she should,...she doesnt have to go 4 day stretches without seeing them....she always says...i dont get to see them much either......they live with her......They miss me ....Ayden and Wyatt cry alot when i take them back over...it breaks my heart....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 9:38pm

You need to make some decisions and then get a clear plan of action going.  If your in the U.S. then most "Family" courts will allow you to take the case into court on your own (pro se).  The court costs are minimal and you ask the courts for visitation.  That way you can get a set time going and a routine for both you and your children.  Some states (not all) also base child support on not only income but also the level of visitation.  If that is the case then overnights are important.  Also your going to need to decide block times like summer vacation and holidays.  You have a lot of thinking to do and you need direction most.  Right now being in limbo mode is unhealthy for you.