I came out on FB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
I came out on FB
15
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 5:50pm

Only one person at my work knew.   People IRL knew, said nothing and took his side only to come back to me years later.

So on a personal level I felt the need to say it out loud.   It did happen.  I've been hiding for 5yrs(thought it was six but it's not). I am not hiding anymore.   

For my selfish self I needed to say it 'out loud'.   For those who have been doing what I did, suffering in silence...there will come a time when you won't want to hide any longer.  When you just can't.

Find help.  Use the resources here and anywhere you can find them.   Reach out.   I have a long hard road ahead of me and so do you.   Whatever you decide...plz, PLEASE  make sure you are safe first and foremost.

XOXO to all.  

Am I wrong to be so open at this point?   I am getting a lot of positive feedback from my kids who lived thru it and this is what feels right.  I am out and totally safe....the blowback may  get ugly but I need to face this.

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 7:23pm

Wow!

Awesome Post!

I guess we have to do what's right for us.

Be safe, stay safe!

<3

Nightangel
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 7:04am

I don't hide the abuse but never came out so to speak on FB. My abuse ended before I found facebook and not many people on there knew us and my friends and family already knew what happened. I did post the picture of my tattoo an told what it meant and on the anniversary of moving to NY I posted about that and how it was also when we left the abuse behind. If I talk about my ex and the divorce I am honest about what went on.

My coming out was on the first DV message board I went to. I lurked for awhile and wrote several post before I was able to hit send ad even then I used a different name. I used the excuse that I didn't want him to stumble on the board and see me but in truth I was hiding still. I used the name want2leave and someday's I wish I remembered the password so I could log in on my anniversary dates and post under it because want2leave did it and I know there were some, including me, that never thought I would.

Not sure if its been explained in awhile but purple stands for freedom from abuse so when someone is making progress in leaving and/or healing they get a purple response =) 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 4:04pm
Thank you. I think my situ is a little backward from a lot of others in that HE left. I believe because I was so broken down and useless that he wasn't getting much out of it anymore. Add in the fact that I was so out of control trying to regain control that he knew he could no longer be in control. Does that make ANY sense???
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 4:10pm

I guess my true first coming out was here.   But IRL most was not known by many people who are now in my life.

I didn't know about the purple response!   As I've mentioned before...I have A LOT to learn.

It'd kind of amazing to be at this point, isn't it?  I am trying to find the strength to believe what the counselors are telling me.  I am sure you understand that it's hard to look at it from a 'healthy' POV.   What I lived thru - what I've been hiding from for all this time...to finally feel like I have a chance of being free and not suffering anymore.

It's almost how at I felt when I tried to get sober.   There is such a sense of euphoria.  And I am no where close to being better but I can feel the shift of attitude.   I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 10:21pm

My ex husband was "Abusive" but he left.

It definitely had an impact on me, I think.

I often wondered what it would have been like if I had been the ONE to leave...kwim?

My fear of "Abandonment" probably caused me to stay and not leave other relationships.

I don't believe you were broken down or useless.

They move on I think because they have LOST control or are trying to get a reaction.

"Please don't leave me"..."I'll change"...

It is hard to say what goes on in their minds.

Mine tried to contact us.

Not happening!

Nightangel
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 11:13pm

I wanted mine to leave me. I wasn't sure how he would react if I left so I thought i would only be able to get away if he choose to leave but he didn't and so it got to the point I had no choice but to leave.

 


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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 9:19am

Good morning, hth.  I hope this day finds you doing well.  Do you recall me using the word "empowerment"?  It's a common word on this board.  We talk about how necessary personal empowerment is because you have a divine right to it.  It's YOU exercising your own good judgement and knowledge and making the best decisions for YOU and YOUR life.  If coming out on FB was the right thing for you to do, to help you heal, to help you grow, then it was the right decision and NO ONE has the right to say otherwise.  You took a huge step in reclaiming your own personal empowerment when you did that.  So, if your heart and mind are saying, "YES, this was the right thing to do," then hold your head up and be proud of it, because you made it on your own.

Yes, healing from DV is hard work, and doing it can often open other "cans of worms" that go back past when we experienced abuse, but sometimes that is a good thing, because that "can" is part of what guided us in choosing the abuser in our life.  So even when things we don't think are related to "abuse", sometimes they are.  Some days it will seem like you are taking two steps back for every one forward, but try very hard not to become discouraged. 

There is a book that I read every morning called Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  I don't know if it's even published anymore, or if there is a newer version, but it's easily findable in used book stores.  There's a short reading for every day of the year.  They aren't hard to read and for such simple words, they sometimes have profound affects on how I think or look at things.  If you get a chance to pick up a copy, check it out and see if it's something that may help you in a small way on your daily path.  I'm so happy to hear you doing so well.  Don't get discouraged on the hard days, just come here and post.  We're always here.

Mama Harmony

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 12:38pm

I have read that book and it is absolutely "Amazing".

Here is a Link...

http://www.simpleabundance.com/

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 1:26pm

~hugs~

Near the end I struggled.

There is a lot I have not shared...

With my last "Abusive" ex every time I thought I had "Escaped" he reeled me back in...

Finally I became strong enough and had the Courage to stand up to him and for myself.

It wasn't easy and I am proud of me for that.

Unfortunately he did not respect No Contact...

Leaving my home and where my kids were born was hard.

I am making a new one my my ds and me.

But you did it Queen!

Me to...:smileywink:...

Nightangel
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 9:19pm

Thanks. I am trying. Most days I feel ok but some days (sigh) but even the bad days are better then they were back then so it will be ok.

And yes we did it and it helps me so much to know my story helped someone else!! It is why I stick aound here and tell my story.


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