I feel so emotionally disconnected from my bf since he brought up a new coworker. Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2012
I feel so emotionally disconnected from my bf since he brought up a new coworker. Help.
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 7:52pm

I've been dating my bf for almost 7 months now. This is my first "real" relatinoship even though I'm almost 26. I've come to realize that I have a pattern of breaking up with people too easily because I'm scared they would dump me if I stay with them too long. Initally, I fought my urges to break up with my current bf the first few months of dating. And then one day, 2 months into the relationship, out of nowhere, he broke up with me (that's when I found out he had the same "issues" I did).

Anyway, we made up. Since then things have been great. We get along great, we're never jealous, we almost never have a serious fight even though we're constantly in touch with each other.... right now I'm going through an extreme amount of stress (work related) and work a lot of hours. My bf is extremely supportive. He works a lot as well. The thing is, he has this new coworker who I've noticed he has high regard for. It never worried me before. Yesterday he said something about her, and something just snapped in my head. All of a sudden I just don't feel too comfortable in my relatinoship anymore. I feel like I'm back to my "run from the relationship" phase and I can't bring myself to feel connected to my bf anymore. We spoke yesterday and today, and I just couldn't bring myself to joke around like I normally do and the conversation was so "stoic" almost. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with my bf. Not at all.

A part of me almost felt like he was talking about her to make me jealous. A part of me thinks I'm reading too much into all of this. But at the end fo the day, all I can think of is "what am I doing? He's only going to break up with me in the end". From the things he's told me, I know that he normally only dates tall women (he made it a point to mention that the last girl he was in love with was 6 feet tall) - and I'm super short. He has told me that he likes it when I wear heels cos it makes me taller. These things didn't bother me all that much at first, but since this coworker came into the picture, all of a sudden I'm so insecure. I feel like he's settling for me because I give him emotional safety and I'm there when he needs me.

He hasn't told me he loves me yet (even though I've told him once that I do). He shows in more ways than one that he loves me. In a way I know he loves me. But at the same time, I'm not quite that sure.... how can I make myself feel connected with him again? Please don't tell me to stop being jealous and just deal with it, because it's not that easy - there are so many walls right now that I can't make myself feel connected with him and I can't help speaking to him like I would talk to a stranger. I'm sure stress from work is only amplying all of this and I'm also feeling a little down. I know I should talk to him about it. But I don't want to say the wrong thing. Please advice.