confused and sad

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
confused and sad
18
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 10:39pm

Today my AP is staring his week long vacation with his W. We see each other everyday at work and it will be sad without him. Its horrible thinking of him on this vacation with his W and not me. Our communication has become more intense. He is now talking of leaving the W and wants to be assurred that my feelings are genuine. They are. I do get worried, now, that maybe he shouldn't leave his W...maybe I am not able to make him happy like she does (or doesn't) I love him. I'm hoping this separation will give me some clarity. I'm so split...between reality and fantasy....being upset that he is with his W and not me....I want to be the one on vacation!  Split between listening to his words of love and not action. Split bewteen thinking that if he does leave her would I really make him happy? I date other people too. I know I can have a nioce future with one of these people but yet I keep on with this A. He's special to me...I've never connected with anyone else like I do with him...should I believe him..I'm scared that he is lieing and I am scared that he is truthful

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
In reply to:
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 12:05am
Single only you know his true intentions, none of us can second guess what he might be doing or not. What we can do is generalize according to how other AP's have acted. I will say though a very small ratio of AP's leave their spouse for their "other." Did you set boundaries to begin with, is this something you expected? It seems like you are unsure if you want to take it further or not. Even if he leaves his W I would jump into anything with him. (((hugs))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to:
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 7:58am
Singlegirl, I think everything your feeling is natural. Your AP needs to leave for himself and only himself. He needs to look forward to his future with or without you. You can't promise everything will work out. He needs to leave his wife, move into his own and be his own person for awhile. Then you guys can date, be an open and honest couple and see if everything falls into place. An affair is definitely different then the day to day grind which will bring out the best and worst of both of you. Coach him into deciding if he would leave his wife, with or without you in the wings, explain the why's and how's, he might not like it at first, but he will appreciate it in the end. He needs to face reality without looking at you to be his backbone. Good luck.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 5:59pm

Singlegirl may I ask how long you two have been in a Relationship and how many years apart are you two in age?  We are entering our fifth year and are the same age.

I understand how you feel.  Him away on vacation with his W is painful.  Wanting him for yourself is understandable if you love him.   I had over three years of those lonely left behinds while they traveled as a family. Three or four vacations a year. I made it clear a year ago I would not wait around and go through it again.  It is not about vacations and the "fun stuff"--it is about being alone on your Birthday, his Birthday, Holidays, and at night in that big empty bed.

 In the past year he has traveled many times for business with me, and she has traveled with the kids alone.  During that time we were together.  For me, that shows he wants to be with me.  So we have an understanding of where he/we are headed--or not.  Five years is enough.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 7:19pm

5 months and you've broken up 3 times already?  I'm not real familiar with your story; is it mainly because the situation is too hard on you?  I'm also single & in the same age range as you.  I'm not looking forward to getting back in to dating again.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
In reply to:
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 1:17am
Don't give up hope yet. You have to be strong and wait it out. What are your other options...anger, sadness, jealousy. Do you want to feel that way the entire vacation? Not saying your a is a waste of time, but he is not there, and you are. Spending it negatively will not help you or the r. Getting you time will. You don't have to stop thinking about him, but you should take the much needed break from the craziness. Lol.

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 11:40am

I, like you, do not mind my alone time.  I was married for over 25 years so having my place to myself is something I enjoy. While we live about an 1 1/2 apart we do spend ALOT of time together, much of it being out together for dinners, fun with friends, sporting events so there isn't anything I could say I want to do with him that I haven't.  Probably our biggest mistake was behaving like a real world couple, but I couldn't imagine it being any other way and surviving as long as we have.

You ask if I broke it off with my AP-yes in the past I have.  We always end up back together tho.  That being said, as time went on and our feelings intensified I found myself resenting his spouse. I had a hard time with that.  Now I don't. 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
In reply to:
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 7:47am