update on non-responsive AP

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
update on non-responsive AP
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:28am

Thank you everyone for all of the advice and support! You are all so strong and kind and it's great to have this board :smileyhappy:

Sent AP a one-line, sort of just checking in e-mail two nights ago, and no response. Now I know for certain he's playing games and trying to use silence to manipulate me. Today I woke up with a sense of courage, that it is okay now to confront him and tell him how this treatment is unacceptable. I will wait until Monday (unless he contacts me before then, which I doubt)...just because I know it will be easier to get a hold of him on a weekday, and I hope I can keep my courage until then! I also want two days to just breathe and collect my thoughts and make sure I come across as level-headed. This sounds strange, but if he wants to dump me, I want HIM to do it. I will not let him piss me off so that I dump him, because I know that would be what he wants and I would be giving into his emotional manipulation. I know that sounds weird, but he needs to come out and say the truth, whatever that is.

I think my biggest issue is having an angry husband has made me so afraid of men...it's time for me to call the shots. After all this time, if I've been dumped, or if he needs space or who knows what the hell, it's time for him to own up and tell me.

Definitely trying to stay very busy...weird though, b/c I am a pretty booked person and still think wayyy too much about AP, so that sucks :smileysad: Just got a 2nd job though, maybe that will help, but I still am having trouble focusing sometimes, am going to try to get better at it by just breathing and taking things an hour at a time.

I guess it all comes down to this...what I'm most mad about is that I'm being disrespected, and no matter how busy I am, that's a hard thing to get over, because nobody deserves that.

Hoping I don't lose my courage on Monday! :smileyhappy:

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:37am

You are on the right track!!!  It is a good thing to take the weekend and a breather.  Remember, do for yourself!!!  Sounds like you are going to be working a lot, but taking time for you is never a bad thing.  We get so wrapped up in everyday life and our AP's that we don't take care of ourselves. 

Yup, time for you to take control.  If he can't respond to a simple email from 2 nights ago, then I would definitely send something back.  You deserve not to be walked on and told the truth.  If he wants to end it, then he should have the courage to do so!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 10:02am
Collect, silence speaks volumes and I know you just want to hear it from the horses mouth (if its over) but look at his actions. Look at the fact that he is not contacting you, he is ignoring you but yet you want him to TELL you it's over? Doesn't his silence say it all? Do you need the closure of him telling you in order to move on?
Focus on you and take a nice breather this weekend and reflect on yourself and what you want. He probably doesn't want to face you and verbally end it so he took this route and is going no contact. He doesn't want to fall back in that pattern of chatting with you and starting the cycle again. He's doing this to protect himself, it has nothing to do with disrespecting you. Your taking it this way and maybe respecting what he wants would help you move forward in your journey.
Hugs to you!


Much peace & Love,



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 12:12pm

Congrats on job #2!

It's great reading your post & hearing you this way!  You have every right to be mad.  I have so much trouble putting anger on the person I'm mad at, and end up turning it back onto me somehow - it always feels so good to have days of clarity & feistiness.

I think it's good to take the wknd to get your thoughts in order, and I love what you said about him needing to come out and say the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 1:04pm
I agree with Rayne. I think silence in return will say all he needs to hear. People think closure is the answer, no one can give you closure except yourself. Walk away with you head held high and no he disrespected you not vice versa. You will find peace if you give it to yourself. Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 1:05pm
Oops know, not no.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 3:13pm
Learning to let go of the things you can not control I'd the greatest gift you can give yourself
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 8:12pm
Sounds like my drama except I'm not getting divorced yet. Let us know how things turn out.