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|Fri, 09-28-2012 - 12:34pm|
I pop in every year or two here. I'll never forget what a solace this board was to me at one time.
Eight years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. We had been together for four years and of course like many others, it was wonderful in the beginning. He was charming, handsome, etc- all the typical aspects. I was young and naive and it took me a while to even figure out I was in an abusive relationship.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I managed to get out- but not without difficulty. It cost me a trip to the hospital and him a trip to jail. Before that he had never punched me, but there was a lot leading up to it. Shoving, kicking, choking, etc. and still I stayed. It was the night I left that it all really came crashing down.
For a long time after that, I took myself off the market. I casually dated here and there but I refused to let any one get close to me. I'm currently in my early 30's and do not have kids. Eight months ago I met a wonderful man and have fallen in love. This time I'm trying to use my head but he is a good person and all of my friends and family love him. (As you can guess, everyone had a problem with my ex).
My BF knows about my past abusive relationship. I have spared him some of the details but he understands what happened. This was a difficult thing for me to reveal to him but it does explain why I sometimes act the way I do. I became much stronger and I will never be a doormat again. My strength is something that BF admires about me and sometimes.............can't understand why I stayed so long with someone who treated me bad.
I do my best to explain that I was a different person back then and not the woman he sees now. It is true that "love is blind" and I would have done ANYTHING that was asked of me- to the detriment of my own health and well being. I was so, so in love and I often felt that if I just loved him more, did what he want, what he said, that one day he would realize what he had and never take me for granted.
Like I said, I was wrong.
I'm able to talk pretty openly about my ex but BF does say it makes him sick sometimes. Abusive men are a certain breed and this is not something he can relate to. There is something wrong with a man that would put his hands on a woman.
I would like to note that early on on my current relationship..........the nightmares temporarily came back. After I had left my ex, I had such terrible nightmares to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep. They eventually subsided and as the years passes, it was rare that I would have one. Once I felt myself falling in love, they came back.
I'm sure part of it was related to be being afraid to love again. Afraid of getting hurt emotionally/physically. No man will lay his hands on me again because I'm a third degree black belt and teach women's self defense; But I would find myself waking up at night with the fear of my ex coming back.
The nightmares have gone away again. But still I'll hear a song, come across a movie, etc., and I will be reminded of my ex. I sometimes wonder if that will ever change. My time with him left much deeper emotional scars than I had realized.
I love my BF and I'm happy that we are talking about a future together. I'm also glad that I can come here to talk and express my feelings with others that have been there. My story was never any different than anyone else- but finding others with the same story made me feel that I was not alone.
I hope all is well with everyone! Have a great weekend!