OLD report

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
OLD report
22
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 5:00pm

In a nutshell: there's not much to report. Having been off the site for almost a year, I had a flurry of emails and winks. There was one guy that seemed very promising. I replied to his email, he replied back but wanted to talk on the phone rather than exchange a few more emails. I used to like to talk on the phone before meeting but over the years I don't like talking to someone I don't know. I gave him my number anyway and he called. We talked for about 15 minutes, just getting to know you kind of things, and he asked if I wanted to have dinner the following Friday (it was Wednesday when we talked). I also would rather meet for a drink, not dinner. Well, I already had plans and asked if possibly the following week would work. He said he'd call me back Sunday to set something up. He didn't call. Usually when that happens, I write them off, but I felt I had nothing to lose, so on Thursday, I sent him a brief email through the site saying I'd still be interested in meeting if he were. Crickets.

So, OLD is living up to it's reputation once again. The good news is, I don't take it personally. 

Today I actually contacted a guy. I haven't done that in a really long time. He says he lives in the UK right now and is relocating to my city in about 6 weeks. Hmmm. We'll just see.

I even looked at some long distance profiles, but didn't contact them. Of course, they will see I viewed them (I hate that feature, it can't be turned off) so maybe they'll contact me, maybe I'll contact them later. I'm not fired up about long-distance, but it seems my city has run out of men or something.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
In reply to: martyinca
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 12:26pm

I no longer consider OLD to be something like a lifeline for finding "the one", especially after what my divorced male friends have been through.

Granted, there are a lot of decent men out there (whether I'm one is not for me to say), but there are a lot who've been burned and will never trust women with anything.

My experience has been a little bit different than theirs, me being openly asexual and all... I still occasionally look through the profiles on POF, but I don't write to any of the women anymore, when they can just look and see that I viewed them. Once every two weeks or so, some woman or other on POF will write to me, but she'll invariably be pretty much the opposite of what would hold my interest---she's a couple years older than me, obese, divorced with grown kids, doesn't have any interests in common with me, and worst of all, there's always that mean-spirited tone (you'd think if these women were lonely, they'd try to ease up on the meanness a bit)... but nowadays I just throw up my hands and get more proof that schadenfreude is part and parcel of being female. Whaddya do...

I've been reading a lot of articles about what's been going on Japan with the so-called "grass-eating men"... apparently about 30% of young Japanese men have effectively gone on strike by losing interest in women. You'd think this would make the young Japanese women angry, or at least have them looking for mail-order husbands... but instead, they've largely chosen to complain about what they don't like about "grass-eater" men. Maybe I'm the ignoramus here, but somehow I don't find criticism any more attractive than schadenfreude. I honestly think the US singles scene will go the way of Japan... we're in for a tsunami of involuntary lesbianism and male asexuality, a combination which will cause the birthrate to crash and flood our nursing homes with unhappy elderly fusspots.

Maybe there really is something to my divorced buddy's observation that all the decent men and women got permanently married in their 20s, while the women in their 30s and older who are still trying to bag a husband are unmarriageable due to mental illness or are just looking for a free lunch.

As for me, I'm content with finally accomplishing the projects I could never have gotten involved with if I was married with kids... I've written and published 3 books, recently patented an invention, I've learned to recognize things that stress me out so I can shut them out of my life, and my quality of life has gotten better for it. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or angry at me, because I don't hate women... I just hate the mean-spiritedness that they don't seem to want to let go of. :-)

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 1:11pm

Maybe I'm the ignoramus here, but somehow I don't find criticism any more attractive than schadenfreude. I honestly think the US singles scene will go the way of Japan... we're in for a tsunami of involuntary lesbianism and male asexuality, a combination which will cause the birthrate to crash and flood our nursing homes with unhappy elderly fusspots.

You're joking, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 1:29pm

For someone who complains about "mean spiritedness" then you write this?  "while the women in their 30s and older who are still trying to bag a husband are unmarriageable due to mental illness or are just looking for a free lunch"  Never married women are mentally ill?  What about never married men? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 1:33pm

I would really want to see a picture before I meet someone.  I know people can give old pictures and that they aren't always 100% accurate, but they do at least give you an idea.  I don't think I'm hugely fussy about appearance, but there are some people whose pictures you see and you just go "no way."  Why waste your & their time?  If I'm on the fence, I'd meet someone cause I know that there are guys in real life that I know who aren't that attractive but I still like them because of their personality.  I'd just like to make sure they aren't in that little percent--plus everyone has their own things they find attractive.  For me personally, if a guy is middle aged and still has long hair in a pony tail (just one example) I don't like that--other women might love it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:11pm

Maybe I'm the ignoramus here, but somehow I don't find criticism any more attractive than schadenfreude. I honestly think the US singles scene will go the way of Japan... we're in for a tsunami of involuntary lesbianism and male asexuality, a combination which will cause the birthrate to crash and flood our nursing homes with unhappy elderly fusspots.

You're joking, right?

 

Sadly, I don't believe he is.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:11pm

I'm sure you realize that we could take everything you've written here, about women, and apply it to the other sex, right?

I'm not offended in the least. If that's honestly how you feel, I feel badly for you. Just as I'd feel badly for any woman on here who's given up on all men because of one or two bad experiences.

-- I just saw this quote from Karl Lagerfeld.  I don't know if he meant it figuratively or not but it works, either way:

"If you put things away in a too tidy way, then you will only find what you are looking for. You will never be surprised, nor delighted by fortuitous discoveries."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:16pm
I won't meet someone without seeing a picture first. I at least want to have a vague idea of who I'm looking for when I go to meet them, and there is something kind of untrustworthy about not putting up a picture at all. But I've never turned down a guy or not written him back based on his picture(s).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
In reply to: martyinca
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:37pm

You're joking, right?

Unfortunately, no... I can't joke about things like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:38pm

Really?  There is no one who you would consider too unattractive to go out with?  If I look at a guy and want to go "yuck" then I couldn't imagine kissing him.  I think we have had this kind of discussion before where you said that looks really don't matter to you but I do think they matter to most people, at least somewhat.  Also on the other end, I have to say that I know I am not a model--if a guy is super attractive I probably wouldn't write to him first cause I'd figure he wouldn't bother with me--it's just realistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 3:50pm
No, not based on a photo. It is a person's personality that makes them more or less attractive to me. You can't see that in a photo.b