My day in a nutshell!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
My day in a nutshell!
18
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 8:01pm
Sorry this is going to be long...here's the friends update.

I go to work he tells me I look gorgeous, he can't stop thinking about me blah blah. So we have lots and lots of flirting.

Lunchtime comes, he told me he couldn't spend it with me. I walk out to find his W stood outside the door waiting for him (the car was there). Thought he was going insane. She knows what I look like, she knows we have text, she has asked questions about me on numerous ocassions. He knows what time i ho to lunch and she is waiting outside the door, could he not have waited 10 more minutes. Anyway I quickly make myself scarce and make no mention of it.

All afternoon the flirting continues. He tells me later how much he wants me, how much he thinks about me and how he can't get me out of his mind.

He asked me to go over to his place later in the evening. I couldn't, H wasn't 't happy about things so I said no.

Complete u turn. He tells me we should never have let it get this far again. He is taking our 'work A' home with him and he can't. We will remain friends with boundaries. Couple of heart to hearts later and me spilling out how I feel. We can 't remain friends and the best thing I could do for both our sakes is to go and f@@k ( sorry his words) someone else.

My day in a nutshell. Mixed emotions my head is a mess. 2 years and I feel like it's one long cycle and I don't know what to do for the best. Sigh.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:51pm
I'm sorry sweetie, that wasn't cool of him. My head would be a mess too.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 10:16pm
Wasnt done. Lol
They are all one big cycle. And they suck. The roller coaster goes up but it must come down. The highs ate too high and the lows are too low.
He has to know, though, that it isn't right to build you up and then drop you on your rear. He needs to get his own feelings in check. He needs to decide if he's in or out. The more he goes back and forth, the more it confuses you. You have feelings too and he should respect them.
I hope you get some peace soon.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 11:29pm

Is this how he's acted in the past if you've ever said no?  To say you should go *f* someone else is awful.  I'm so sorry he said that to you.  An A is a roller-coaster, but that should be because of the feelings involved and not because someone's being a jerk.  You didn't deserve that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:22am

I'm happy he talked to you about it.  Trying to be friends with boundaries when there's a mutual attraction is close to impossible, and he seems to like the thrill of that game.  I'm just curious, what would meeting in the middle look like to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 3:36pm

In the beginning xAP always used to say he didn't want things to get "complicated".  IMO, his resistance to his feelings and how he handled that were exactly what did make it complicated.  He spent more time running away from it/me than anything else.  I ended up telling him that I couldn't be intimate with someone who I couldn't trust, and that I couldn't trust him because he couldn't make up his mind if he was in or if he was out.  When I've talked about things being better with him the 2nd 1/2 of our A, I think that was a huge factor - he finally just accepted it and started being a lot more present in our R.  There were still a lot of ups & downs, but more like that of a normal R.

Unfortunately it seems to fall on women more to set the tone of the R.  I have no idea why that is; I'm pretty uneducated when it comes to the male psyche.  Your AP is really blowing in the wind, and sadly, it has to fall on you to actively show him how you want things to be.  In my case, I've thrown up my arms a hundred or more times over xAP's not knowing what he wants, only to have to face the fact that neither do I.

Now, I'm on day 5 of cold meds, and I think I may be talking just to socialize with someone other than my dog - so if none of this is relatable, that's ok.  I ultimately just wanted to say I'm thinking of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 10:49am

Glad to hear he's being on his best behavior!  (he'd better be!! lol)