Need help! Ex wants me back but is it to late?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2012
Need help! Ex wants me back but is it to late?
8
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:44am

 

 This is one of the hardest things I ever had to face. I was with my ex for 5 months and living in her apartment for 4 days a week. We were totally in love. I'm 35 and she's 25. We fought and had our problems and both of us are to blame. But she dumped me hardcore for another guy. I was devasted and crushed and I left her alone and tried to move on with my life.

7 weeks go by and she asks me if I still love her? If I want to be with her? I closed those feelings but would still be open to working things out. Only problem now is that she is pregnant with this new guy's baby. I talked to her for hours on the phone and she says she misses me and wants me and I am the one for her. She wants to make it work.

What do I do now? This new guy is not going to be happy that his new girlfriend left him after 7 weeks with his baby. Now, I'm stuck in the drama of her, him and a baby that is not mine. But she loves me and I love her. But again, the problems and drama are to huge to overcome.

The same thing happened to my friend and the minute the baby was born, her boyfriend left her for a "one-night-Stand" girl. Please give me credible and sound advice so I don't make a mistake. My heart has no protectection or security in this matter. I could get hurt again if I allow myself. Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:33am
So she was with thig guy for only 7 weeks and she's already pregnant? And you and she fought a lot?

This woman sounds like a lot of drama. Are you the kind of person who enjoys a "drama relationship"? Do you enjoy the roller coaster of fights, break ups and passionate reconciliations, followed by more fights, more break ups, more reconciliations, etc. etc.? Do you find a "normal", secure, respectful and calm relationship boring?

If you truly do enjoy an emotional roller coaster, then I guess go ahead. Do NOT expect it to be easy and do NOT expect this other guy to disappear out of your lives. Expect the two of them to be battling constantly and expect that she may occasionally decide to return to him (because he's the father of her baby and she thinks their baby needs a "family") and then call you, crying that she misses you.

Of course I'm speculating. You know her and I don't. Is she the type who can co-parent with an ex in a mature and calm manner and not allow him to interfere in her relationship with you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 6:41pm

Irishguy, even without the complication of someone else's baby, the two of you weren't able to make this relationship work.   A relationship which is worth saving should be comfortable and easy - not full of drama.

Now she's pregnant to the guy she left you for and wants you back?   Quite frankly, I think your ex is delusional if she thinks you'll return to her in this current situation.    Do you really want to be with someone who makes such poor decisions for herself?  

I suggest you avoid her like the plague.   Ask for 'no contact' and allow yourself time to heal and forget her.   In time, she'll be a distant memory and a bullet dodged.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 6:58pm
Also, are you absolutely certain the baby isn't yours?

Seven weeks is an awfully short amount of time to start seeing someone, become pregnant and KNOW you're pregnant. When I've been pregnant I didn't even know for sure until I was more than 5 weeks along. Unless she became pregnant almost instantly, the timing seems a little suspect.

So, what if the baby is yours?

I personally know two women who were pregnant by their boyfriends but tried to pin it on someone else. One of my friends was living with his girlfriend and then one weekend she met a guy who made a lot more money than my friend. My friend had no idea she was pregnant. His so-called girlfriend slept with the new guy the night they met and then weeks later tried to say he was the baby's father. He demanded a DNA test, and suddenly she "remembered" she was already pregnant before she met him!

And an ex-boyfriend of mine found out he had a son when the boy was FIVE YEARS OLD!! His ex-girlfriend had dumped him (yep, again for a guy with more money) and all that time she'd claimed the rich guy was the boy's father. Well, five years and one DNA test later, turned out my ex was the boy's dad, not the rich guy! And of course, she suddenly "missed" my ex and wanted him back. Both of these women thought they saw an opportunity to get some money and live a cushy life, so they tried to use their fetuses to trap wealthy men. But when they were confronted with DNA tests, they ran right back to the baby's real fathers.

Not all women are sweet, loving, adorable creatures...some of them are outright devious!

So, is it possible this baby's yours, your ex is just trying to pin it on the other guy for some reason, he's not buying it, so now she suddenly wants you back?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-1999
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 4:44pm

Dude-

 

you are basically facing the choice of whether to become a rescuer. Don't do it, women very seldom appreciate it and you will only come to grief if you try. When you are playing the rescuer women very often have an eye out for someone else. Find someone you can build something with, rescuing someone is very very seldom appreciated and will only bring you grief in the long run.

dablacksox


Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 8:35pm

If the baby IS yours, you might want to start thinking about whether or not to leave him/her with Crazy Lady.  The child deserves a sane upbringing with a responsible parent.