Uh oh

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Uh oh
14
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 9:43pm
I made plans to go out a few hours ago. We're going to a place we don't go to too often, but have been several times. It hit me about an hour ago that my (former?) FWB hangs out there on Saturday nights. I completely forgot about that. The truth is, it's been about six weeks since I've seen him and the only time he texted me I was sleeping. I haven't even attempted to talk to him, tell him I'm over it and I don't want sex with him anymore... I don't really think that's necessary in this situation. I just really don't want to run into him tonight. First, because if I don't talk to him he'll text and ask me if I'm mad at him (Nevermind that he won't initiate conversation with me) and second because if I do talk to him I may just get all soft and give in. I'm really hoping one of his kids has something going on that will keep him home. But I doubt it!

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 3:30pm
I'd be fine with him not coming. In fact, I prefer it. In the beginning, he was fun to hang around because he's pretty smart and I could actually have real conversations with him. Now he's just someone I feel like I have to entertain because he never seems like he's having fun. The problem is that we have a routine- the three of us always go out on Thursdays. It's not that I invite him. It's just a given. When my girlfriend and I make plans, I never invite him unless he asks, then I can't lie. We also have a lot of mutual friends so just cutting him out really isn't an option.

I really just need to stop feeling like I have to be a good friend when he's around and venture out and talk to other men. When it's just three of us, though, that's tough since the third is usually off talking to someone leaving just the two of us at the table. I am always relieved when he leaves. I feel like that's when I can relax.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 3:58pm

When you made plans, you don't have to lie, but you can just say "Mary & I are going out tonight--just us girls."  And you should stop feeling like you should entertain him.  If you are regulars at this place, he must also see a lot of the same faces--he should be trying to talk to girls.  Just start going to talk to whoever you want to talk to & let him fend for himself.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 4:44pm
I know. I'm too nice. I need to not be, but it's just in my nature to think about other people's feelings/needs first. I know I shouldn't always do that, but it's difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
In reply to: soconfused2005
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 7:32pm

I understand the dilemma.  Is there anyway you can be more direct with him?  i.e. I am happy you are here for trivia/karaoke, but I really want to make an effort to meet some new people here too.  You can't necessarily tell him he's getting in the way, but you can explain why you're going to leave the table for a few minutes to chat with some other people.

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