Meeting two new RE's on the same day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Meeting two new RE's on the same day...
7
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:48pm

So I picked two new clinics out of state that have better success rates for my age group for DOR.  I scheduled an appointment at each on the same day (10/11).  I'm hitting one in the morning and one in the afternoon.  Am I crazy?  I figured I would save myself a trip by making them the same day.  Plus everything will be fresh in my mind for comparison to make a decision on which to go with.

What should I focus on during the appointments?  I was defintely planning and getting their opinions on what they think went wrong with my first cycle(besides not getting any eggs, lol) and then ask what protocol they would recommend for next time.  I've been reading a lot about the agonist/antagonist protocol and it seems to be a good one for poor responders.  I also think I'll do better starting out at the higher dose of stims next time instead of trying to catch up 5 days in like happened this time.

I'm also wondering if I should meet with my current RE one last time after meeting the new ones and see what he says compared to the others.  He did not leave me with any hope after my ER so I doubt he would have anything to say except recommend donor eggs.  I was looking through their protocols and they actually do the agonist antagonist protocol.  I'm surprised that he would not recommend it.  I mostly feel like I'll just be wasting a copay going back to see him and I really don't feel like helping him line his pockets anymore if he doesn't have any hope for me.

I'm doing surprisingly well considering what a complete failure IVF attempt #1 was.  I guess having a plan to see someone new is keeping my hope alive.  I just hope they don't try push me down the DE route without letting me try at least once more with my own.  I really think there were several problems with the first cycle that could be fixed by trying different meds/doses and a different protocol.  I know that I had 2-4 follicles on each side that just did not grow this time.  That to me says there's potential for 6 or 7 or more eggs if we can just get them growing.

The good news is that I think AF will be on time.  I've started having the all too familiar pre-AF cramps.  I was worried about having a messed up cycle because they didn't get any eggs and I didn't do progesterone.  She should be here by Tuesday(please).  I'm looking forward to having a natural cycle this month while we figure out the next move.  I'm hoping to still cycle this year since my deductible is met.  Probably will be Nov/Dec, hopefully we can get through ER and god willing ET by Christmas!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:35pm
I think your plan of meeting them on the same day is brilliant. Your topics sound perfect. If you find that you're so impressed by one of them I'd blow off the follow-up with your current RE. IF you aren't overly impressed maybe one last appointment is worth while. IVF #1 is such an experiment, some get super lucky but others just learn a lot about what doesn't work for them. Happy you are doing well and focusing on moving forward. Hope AF shows Tuesday, sending COME ON AF vibes! Can't wait to hear about your RE appointments and I'll be pulling for a 2012 BFP for you =)

Caryn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 11:38am
I agree, both on the same day is a great idea especially when they are out of state.
As for meeting with your current RE could you maybe do a phone consult or email? I know you've mentioned phone consults before. Did you ever have a what went wrong appointment or letter sent to you? Most clinics do that. My clinic sent me a letter and told me to call for an appt if i wanted more info. Though if you are not happy with your current clinic and one of the other two seems like a really good option you could skip it.

I hope they can get you in yet this year and you will have a BFP for Christmas!

Keep us posted on the appointments!

Elizabeth (31) DH (36) TTC #1 since July 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
You're smart to do both appointments on the same day. If it were me I wouldn't even want to do another appointment with the old clinic if I liked one of the new ones. Looking forward to hearing about how it goes! Hope you get to try again this year =)

Britty  & DH (both 30) TTC since late 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008

I actually had nightmare about this last night.  I was meeting a new male RE(no idea who or where) and he was really awful to me.  When he found out that I was meeting with other clinics, he said I needed to make a commitment before he would even give me his advice.  I was like, the whole reason I'm here is for a 2nd opinion and I'm paying, but he wouldn't help me unless I agreed to get my treatment there.  I just cried and left.  I hope the real life experience goes much better. 

I may still schedule an appoinment with my current RE just to see what he says and compare that to what I hear from the other clinics.  I just feel like he really doesn't have any hope for me, and I need someone who does.  I kind of feel like he prefers cookie cutter patients who don't require any individualized treament plans and who produce eggs galore like their supposed to.  I'll probably just feel worse after seeing him again.  No one from the office has even contacted me since my ER to see how I'm doing or why I haven't scheduled a follow up.  I guess that's probably typical, but I wish it wasn't.  It would be nice for someone to acknowledge that I'm a human with feelings and that going through all that to not have any eggs retrieved is pretty hard.

On a side note, I got confirmation that my employer is continuing the infertility benefits into next year.  Now I just hope they approve me for another cycle with my eggs.  I'm waiting to pick a new dr before I let anyone submit the paperwork.  That way I can just get going once I have approval.  Do you think if I ask questions about their donor egg programs during my appointments that they will automatically steer me in that direction?  I absolutely want to try with my OE one more time at least before pursuing DE, but I want to know what their DE pricing and options are before I pick one, so I don't have to switch clinics again.  I did find out that FSA money can be used towards DE compensation, legal fees, etc, so I'm defintely maxing out next year.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 6:41pm
Sorry you had a bad dream. I do not think that will really happen.
REs probably assume you will be 'shopping' around and will likely (hopefully) try to promote their clinic. You shop around for a car, house, appliance and IF stuff is just as expensive (or more) and much more important. Shopping around should be mandatory. The only reason I haven't is because I have no other options without traveling and traveling isn't an option for us. You should have a clinic who has confidence and hope for you so that you can have confidence and hope for yourself. As for asking about donor egg program. Maybe discuss YOU and YOUR options first and see if they bring it up. Then after they are all done explaining things and they ask if you have more questions ask about the donor program and mention that it is your long term back up plan. I dont think they will steer you towards it unless they truly think they can't help you but if thats the case they will bring it up on their own.

I think meeting with your existing clinic is a good idea simply as a contrast to the other two if nothing else. It will likely confirm your feelings one way or the other. :smileyhappy:
Meanwhile I am glad your employer is continuing your benefits! I would think your insurance would approve another cycle especially if you're using a different clinic and protocol.

Good luck with your decision. I look forward to hearing about your new clinics when you return!

Have a safe trip!

Elizabeth (31) DH (36) TTC #1 since July 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 8:08pm
I agree with Elizabeth. I just want to add extra (((hugs))) and let you know I'm thinking about you and hoping the appointments go well!

Britty  & DH (both 30) TTC since late 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 4:50pm
I'm sorry meeting the new RE's is weighing heavy on your mind {{{HUGS}}} The good news is they have to be nicer in real life than they were in your dreams =) If you tell them you'd like to use your own eggs but have some questions about their DE program I don't think they would automatically steer you towards DE. There's no harm in meeting with your current RE. At the very least you could give him the feedback that you're considering moving to a new RE because he gave you very little hope coming out of the last ER. He should know better. Great news about your insurance! And great that you can use FSA funds if you do end up going to DE.

Caryn