frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
frustrated
7
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 1:32pm

DW and I have been together for 13 years and married for 10 of them. During those years, we've managed to have IC about once a month and every now and then twice. I have wanted the frequency to be more along the lines of 2 to 3 times per week and have spoken to her about this on numerous occasions. She says that she is often in the mood for IC and would like to make it happen more often, but acts indifferent when we have alone time, or makes excuses unless she's the one that is feeling frisky. She thinks I'm good-looking and says that I do everything really good in bed. I am tired of taking care of myself and have grown resentful. I feel as though we're more or less roommates. I'm not sure at this point what to do. All of my talking to her has produced no results. At this point, I'm ready to find a FWB.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 8:11pm
This is how it started with my ex. The frequency kept falling off and eventually sex stopped all together. To make a long story short, after 10 years her son, my stepson, came to me and told me his mother had been seeing another guy. Hence the reason she is my ex. If she says she wants to be more intimate but never wants to do it, my advice, follow her and make sure you don't have a Joe D. Grinder in your life. From my experience nothing you can do will make her want to have sex more often. I tried everything, compliments, words, gifts, etc. Noting. When I found out what she wanted I gave it to her. Side note: her son said she has had 5 or 6 BF and I met a wonderful woman and have stuck with here since. She loves me and lets me know it in EVERY way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:37am

I have the same issue with my wife, dead on.

have IC about once a month and every now and then twice. I have wanted the frequency to be more along the lines of 2 to 3 times per week and have spoken to her about this on numerous occasions. She says that she is often in the mood for IC and would like to make it happen more often, but acts indifferent when we have alone time, or makes excuses unless she's the one that is feeling frisky. She thinks I'm good-looking and says that I do everything really good in bed. I am tired of taking care of myself and have grown resentful. I feel as though we're more or less roommates.

You should look at the Mismatched Libidos boards, might offer some relief that you are not alone.  The only thing that got my wife out of it for a while was reading 50 Shades of Gray, then she was horny all the time, and wanted sex contantly.  Then after she was done with the books, as I expected, she is reverting back to her prior behavior.  See my thread in there on it.

I also have older ones in there about the mixed signals, acting like she wants sex, and then when we have the oppurtunity acts indifferent, drove / drives me nuts!

I feel for you, but IMO there is not much you can do about it, the more you push the issue the worse you may make it for yourself. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:08am

Howdy Hawk! Odds are highly unlikely she has a backdoor man. What eats up most of her free time is cable news and playing games on her laptop. I'm being tuned out. Competing with media and kids is dificult. LOL You are absolutely right because I've tried those things too. It won't make a difference unless she changes. I love children and they most certainly make the world a better place. My Ex was very similar to yours... she liked men a lot and not just me. Oddly, even though the ex was seeking out other men, she never slacked in the sack. She liked IC a lot and I do mean a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:16am

Howdy nhgal! I am happy to announce she will be 44 in another week or so. hee hee... She's going to school and just started to waitress some at a restaurant but she isn't under any more stress than anyone else. She is, more or less, in good physical condition for someone that's pretty sedentary. There's nothing wrong with her other than being sexually immature. She becomes uptight when talking about intercourse and she is unable to open up. Once I whipped out my member and she had a shocked look on her face like I was a stranger. That made me feel awkward. After being together for 13 years, I'm kind of interested in her fantasies. Mind you, that doesn't mean acting them out necessarily. Fantasies are hot though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:25am

I thought about the libido board but she says she's frequently in the mood even though she doesn't act it. She got into True Blood and then began reading books similar to that. At one time, I thought she might be gay going on about how some women are attractive and that should would rather see a nekkid woman than a nekkid man and women don't like to see the penis or bulge. Since then, I've been told by several women and gay men that women most certainly do like men and their penis. Oddly enough, gay women like nekkid men and their penis and gay men like bewbies. Who knew? DW and I had a talk about this and came up with signals to indicate that we want to get busy. I will fiddle with my zipper and she will fondle her bewbies in some way. If everything works out well, we may even need a safe word.  :smileywink: