Rant - Feel free to call me ungrateful...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2012
Rant - Feel free to call me ungrateful...
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 7:09pm

A few weeks ago I asked dh's grandmother to come over for a week in early October to lend me a hand getting ready for the baby (tried to make it as open as possible because there is alot going on at that time i.e her youngest daughter's b'day and they are leaving for vakay in Scotland and canadian thanksgiving next weekend). As of Monday there was still no word either way.

We finally sat down on Monday to discuss what our best option for child minding during labour / delivery would be and came up with a pretty inclusive plan (3 families that we thought would be willing to help in the short term untill dh's family could make the 6 hour drive to get here to take care of the kids) and the first step to confirming it was to contact his family to be sure that they were willing/able to come. So later that day dh called his mom who layed on an hour long lecture about how no one would tell her when the baby was due despite her asking (apparently she asked me twice but I kept getting distracted by my oldest and dh found a question on fb that was hidden in the middle of a half dozen other unrelated questions) and that we take advantage of his nan and that her health is failing and that nan isn't coming to help (long story on that front but it breaks down to them not getting along and stressing each other out and nan NEEDS the breaks to get away and loves to be useful since her husband passed away so I try to accomodate her as much as I and she can handle - her health is failing but more in the way of early dementia than anything else).

Needless to say dh was shocked by this conversation and even more shocked when he got a call not 3 mins after he hung up from his nan saying she was coming (she's as stubborn as my kids when you try to tell her not to do anything lol) Oct 6 to the 15. Confused he called back his mother, who was much calmer at this point, and told him that they (his mom and nan) would both be coming back Oct 29th and would be staying untill the baby is born and maybe later.

This is where I come off ungrateful (dh wants to kill me for this) - they stress me out big time. Too much family tension and everything gets so loud and needs to be handled asap and an upset kid causes their world to turn upside down and they will offer the world to make them happy (which just makes them a million times worse). Unless this guy comes early - which would follow suit with my other babies - that period of time I will be so 'pregnant' and just want some peace and quiet so that I can relax and focus on the task ahead.

On the bright side I won't have to worry about middle of the night labour and I will probably be almost expected to allow them to take over the kids / house at times and rest instead (something I am not good at, I hold those reigns with pasty white knuckles... no time like the present to learn).

Don't get me wrong, I love them and they love me. I am closer to my inlaws than I am to my own family but our families are polar oposites. I love that we can ask them for anything and they will do their absolute best (and even sometimes put themselves out which I hate) in order to help. My family (read mother) is so flaky and unreliable that I learnt very early to be my own rock so it is nice to have someone to lean on. I keep telling dh that if we manage to come up with a parenting solution that is in between the overbearing parenting he endured and the carefree(less) parenting that I endured that we will have it made. 


Proud Mom to Annika (4), Jamie (3), and 4 angels. Anxiously awaiting Baby #3!
Avatar for thesunshinekid
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2001
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 8:09pm
Mostly, you just sound like you don't want to live in a hen house!!

I'm also a control freak about my household (my MIL jokes nonstop about my silver service drawer being aligned with the planets and that my daughter's closet is neater than the pope's) and I don't like turning anything over - but I'm going to try because it is the only chance at help I will get. My DH is a profound workaholic and his sweet mother is coming down to help (hopefully) immediately before the baby is born and staying on for a while after. She works herself to the bone while she's here (which makes me feel like a pathetic housekeeper) and she is so very gentle with my stubborn daughter.

I am sure it will all work out in the end and you'll part as friends. It's hard to let anyone in our safe little places while we are nesting and so particular!

Jules - Happily married and Momma to DS, DD and expecting our Caboose Baby 11/24/2012

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Registered: 01-18-2008
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 1:50pm
You don't sound ungrateful to me at all. It's normal to want a period of quiet and calm before baby is born, and having guests at that time- even if they are close family and you get along fine- doesn't allow that quiet for you. I hope all works out well. Looking on the bright side, you won't have to worry about finding anyone to watch the kiddos when the time comes to run to the hospital!
Rachel Mom to five great kiddos and one angel in heaven (MC @ 9 weeks) Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Registered: 01-15-2008
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 8:57pm
I agree with the other ladies. I don't think it's ungrateful. I would feel the same way. My sis likes to come and help and while I feel grateful that she wants to be here to help me and could never say no to her offer, she can be overbearing as well (which we learned from last time). Also, our house isn't huge, so it just feels more crowded with extra people in the house (especially when we don't have a guest room now because it's now the baby's room). However, if she were to get here before the baby was born, it would relieve some of my anxiety about what we're going to do if we have to run in the middle of the night. So, I too have mixed feelings about the extra company in the house. I think it's natural to feel that way though.
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