4 month relationship ended boyfriend went to rehab

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
4 month relationship ended boyfriend went to rehab
9
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 8:51pm

Hi, I was dating my boyfriend since beginnig of May, The whole time I was concerned about his drinking ... very. finally i realized that it was for sure a problem and I confronted him and told him he needs help. he then told him family and friends and was going to go to out patient rehab. the day he was going to start he admitted there that he was also taking xanxex and was addicted as well... he is not inpatient program. I am a mother of two children who is divorced. I told him i could not be a part of this recovery with him and he needs to get better on his own. i fell in love with him but realized he was never sober with me and he has tons of stuff to work on before he can be healthy in a relationship. but then since he got there he was calling me daily and all im doing is crying cause i totally thought i was going to live my life with him and saw a future... so did my children fell in love with him. but, I can't consure myself with this and be a good mother to my children. so, i have to cut ties and said we can't talk anymore... all I can do is think about him and miss him so much. but, I worry how can I stop everything when i have two small children for a 4 month relationship with an addict. it just does not make sence no matter how much it hurts!!!! ;( how will I ever feel better!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 11:03pm
hi, I added a new post... but not sure it replied to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 11:03pm

pls read my new post tried replying to you 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 11:00pm

it sucks!!! he came home and my therapist along with all my friends and family said I can't talk to him not good for him and not good for me. I got a message on thursday morning and one later that evening .. then i texted im so sorry i have to have no contact its not healthy for me... and my children. he went on to say he loves me and i saved his life and he will miss me etc. and how I will always have a special place in his heart. i said he will as well... i did not go on and on about missing him and loving him.. i thought that would make it harder. I wish i couls have spoken to him... but i do think the convo woudl have been harder than these texts were plus would it really be good for him if i was hystercial on the phone the day he gets back? this sucks... I so badly wish I could tell him more tell him I'm back in therapy working through all this.. so badly say I wish I could see him kiss him hug him know how he is doing. 

so much of all those things!!! ;( ;(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 9:01pm

you are so right..... it is just so hard! worried for when I hear from him for when he comes back home... I think I will. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 9:00pm

thank you for your kind words... I am hearing all the same things from my friends and family... it is so hard.. I am just waiting for the day to stop thinking as much about him or dreaming about him.. I have to erase his texts and voicemails too becasue I tend to read them or listen to them. I know in time.. this will pass.. i am concerned what will happen when he does come home.. i for sure think he will contact me then, I need strength to not see him. 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997

Make the break clean. No texts, cards, notes, phone calls. He needs to concentrate on sobriety and you need to concentrate on healing. 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:45am
I am so sorry for what you have had to go thru. Again, I am in total agreement with Beth....what a blessing you found out now...and not when he was financially and emotionally more entwined with your family and you. I do feel that sending a card or contact of any sort right now is a bad move. It does keep him thinking that he can wiggle back in and it keeps you thinking that "maybe" "someday" "somehow" and that should not be an option at this stage of the game. You are in pain, lonely and looking for something to take the pain away. Hug your kids and call Alanon. Go to some meetings there and listen to those wise folks. They have already been where you are and can help guide you back to mental health...(Alcoholics and drug addicts tend to cause us to get sick too...our feelings get so entwined that we forget good, common sense) Let us know how you are doing....and go out with your friends, family and dont sit home and brood about it. Keep your children and yourself busy for a bit to let things come together in your head. Its not easy but it is doable. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 9:25am
Thanks so much. It's so hard because he didnt get why we couldn't talk. It was too hard because all I dud was think about him. I so badly want to send a birthday card. But, I was told that's mean And leading him on?
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 5:58am

Congratulations on doing the right thing. Unfortunately, the right thing sometimes hurts. You need to concentrate on what life could have been like with him if he continues drinking. Read some of the threads. Life with an alcoholic and addict is a living nightmare. 

Hugs to you for the hurts you have.