19 pregnant & engaged moving

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2012
19 pregnant & engaged moving
1
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 1:08am

Recently I've become engaged to the love of my life and I'm also pregnant.We met while in college both as freshmen we've known one another for about a year now.He's always been my best friend some one i can talk to for hours and understands me in so many ways,He has always  shared my best intrest just supportive all around.Every one loves him no one has  ever said anything bad about him, even my family at one point as  well  at least i thought.I became  pregnant a few months into our relationship and it devasted my mom as she had other expectations for me as far as school and me being indpendent(she spent lots of money on my school).she thinks I will have to depend on him now & thats not the case at all.I plan on finishing school its a must for me & he wants to support me.I have never been the one to be open with my mom & don't really know why & it hurts me & her.plus my family has their inputs & it seems like they expect me to think about them more than my self being. My family has a history of falling pregnant at a young age & none of them are with the the fathers of their first born.Plus my mom is the only one in family with a degree in nursing & how my life is panning out its very similar to her story.she got pregnant with me at the same age while she was in college,except my father didn't want to be there.So her & my aunts like to throw the past at me & think i will have have the same outcome.My fiance has been at all my appointments,been there in every possible way,only thing is he lives 3 hrs away and im with him every other week he has a great job and works everyday to support us.so since ive become engaged every one thinks he just did it so i can go live with him.They like to say i want know what to do with a newborn whose gonna keep him & etc.& that i'm worried about our relationship and not the  baby.I reallly don't know what to do bc I want to respect my mom & family in every way but what about me & our child.I have some one that wants to be their every step of the way for me & our unborn child.its making me worry so  much & it will devaste my fiance if I  stayed home. I don't plan on moving until after 2 or 3 months after I have the baby. am I wrong for wanting to move 3 hours away with baby and fiance? I think i need my family support more than  anything but now it seems like no one supports that and it hurts.Just need some opinions on it whose been here or experienced something similar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:15am

If it was me, I would think long and hard about moving three hours away with a new baby.  It's hard enough to be a mother at 27 with a college degree and a great job.  It will be even harder trying to go to school with a newborn and no family to help support you.  Your BF will be working.  Who is going to help you with the baby while he's at work and you need to be in class if your family is three hours away?

Your mom only wants the best for you.  She's been down this road herself, and she knows what might happen.  I'm sure she only wanted better for you and for you to not have to experience the same things. 

I think it would be a mistake to move to soon.  I understand completely how your heart tells you to run off and move in with him because you are in love.  However, you are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship with your boyfriend.  So much can change between now and when the baby comes, and even change again a year after that.  Babies add a lot of stress to a relationship, even for married couples who have been together for years.  I would wait until the baby is a year old before making any kind of decision like this.  It would be one thing if you were moving 30 min. away, but three hours away from your support system is very far.  If your boyfriend truly cares about you, then he will understand.  Is it possible for him to move closer?