Having an affair...not sure if I'm on the right board..

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Having an affair...not sure if I'm on the right board..
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 2:18pm

I posted this on another board on here.  And still not sure if this is the right place....here is my earlier post..


Actually, I don't want to stop it.  I have been married for 15 years, we have 2 kids.  H and I have not had the greatest of relationships...mainly poor communication.  He's a great guy, great father and generally a nice person.  He works hard for our family.  We have not had sex for 6 years.  I have been having an affair for the past 7 months.  The OM lives far away, so it started out as an emotional affair at first.  Turned into something that I can't even begin to describe in terms of the love we have for each other.  I truly feel we are meant to be together.  I knew him from college, so it's not some random person that I "think" I'm in love with.

We are taking a break right now because I feel like I should make an effort in my marriage...problem is I am not in love with H.  I feel like I have to do this for my kids.  It would kill me if they were to look back and think I didn't at least try.  Does that make sense?

I feel guilty becasue H and I had a talk...first one in years about us.  He wants to try and make it work.  I feel guilty because I don't.  I am in love with someone else.  How do I know that I've really put an honest effort into trying to make it work with H.  And how honest of an effort is it really if my mind and my heart is not into it?

I love my H, just not in love with him.


I also want to add...

I know this board is for people who are trying to or have ended an affair.  I guess I want to know from those you are doing that...how do you know if ending it is what you want/need/have to do?  I love my AP.  I see a future with him.  I feel I am being a little back and forth when I say I am not in love with him but want to try and make some effort...but it's only for the kids' sake.  As I mentioned, I don't want them to think I didn't try.  That thought kills me. 

Please let me know if I'm on the wrong board here. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Hi littlelulu

Yes, if you are having an affair and don't want to stop, you are on the wrong Board, and the My Affair Support Board will probably be a better fit. 

If you are concerned that being in the affair is preventing you from giving your marriage an honest shot and know that it is best that you end your affair first, then you've come to the right place.  We'll support you in your ending.

It's awfully difficult to make a clear assessment of a marriage while embroiled in an affair.