The Single Girl Rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
The Single Girl Rant
18
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 4:58pm

Long time no talk!  I haven't been on here in several years & had the hardest time trying to find this place.  I still recognize some old faces & glad to see that Shy is still on here!  I used to be Co-CL here for a while then life got too busy so I had to step down.  

So yes, I'm still single.  I try to keep myself busy as much as possible to keep my mind off of it.  I often feel like I'm the only single person in the world.  And quite frankly, I'm the only one in my small circle of friends who is single.  All of my friends are taken.  Don't get me wrong, they ask me to do stuff w/them & I gladly oblige.  I enjoy hanging out w/them.  This past weekend we all went out of town, did some ziplining, and we had a blast.  Alas, I was the only single person in the group & I felt kinda bummed about it when I saw my other friends holding hands w/their fiance or boyfriend.  When we went ziplining, one of our guides was kinda cute.  We flirted a little bit back and forth.  He was fun.  It was fun.  But of course he isn't local.  The story of my life!  Shame I couldn't bring him back home with me.  

It can be depressing being single.  I know there's nothing wrong with me.  I'm not ugly.  I'm a fun person to be around.  Are men intimidated by smart & pretty women?  Do they not want to date tall women?  I say that because I'm 6ft tall!  A friend of mine told me, "you are datable & there's nothing wrong w/you.  You have standards so keep those."  Once upon a time I used to settle when I had really low self esteem.  I won't go back to settling.  I've dated guys who have railroaded me, lied to me, used me, abused me, and thought I was their personal bank account.  I don't tolerate that anymore.  And I've done the online dating thing in the past.  I HATE IT.  I can't subject myself to that again.  So I often wonder, are some of us just destined to be single the rest of our lives?  

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 5:27pm

Great Post!

Single here to...:smileywink:...

Actually I am "Lovin'" it but it does have it's moments.

You see other couples and mostly everything I do is ALONE, by myself.

Honestly though my Life is pretty good right now all things considered.

My ds and I recntly moved to another city so while is is scarey it is also exciting.

I think some of us are destined to be "Single".

When I was younger...:smileywink:...it used to matter more to me kwim?

Now it doesn't seem to be as high on my Priority List, maybe it is not even on it!

I kind of go with if it happens it happens and if it doesn't that's okay to.

After being in an "Abusive" relationship I think now it's time for me to heal and thrive.

I think I will know when I am ready...:smileywink:...

 

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 5:48pm

I agree!  It does have its moments.  I'm 34 years old & have been single for several years.  I'd much rather be single than to be in that abusive relationship again.  I've been out of that for nine years now, I think.  Then got away from the abusive parent in 2007.  A part of me wants to be in a relationship and the other part of me is afraid of being hurt all over again.  And I know that not all men are like that.  I know there are some good ones out there.....somewhere.  Friends & family ask me, "why aren't you seeing anyone?"  I don't know!  I wish I had an answer but I don't know why I don't get asked out!  Most people I know are already in relationships anyway.  You're right nightangle, if it happens it happens & if not, then that's just the cards I was dealt with in life.  

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 6:00pm
I just thought about you yesterday! And now you appeared!

Many people have told me that I'd be a very good mother, so I don't know that I'm destined to be single. I know I just need to be more of a risk taker and that is not in my nature. I'm going to try really, really hard to make more eye contact with my crush this week and maybe hopefully actually flirt if I get a chance. I need to be one on one to do that and I'm not sure I'll be able to do that.

I don't think you're destined to be single, either. Maybe you just need to take more risks, too. So glad to see your name again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 7:38pm

Hey Shy!!   I'm on FB if you want to add me - http://www.facebook.com/RockerChicKrystin 

Well, I took my first risk this weekend by ziplining flirting w/one of our guides.  Hey, he started it & I reciprocated lol.  Just a shame he's 3.5 hours away & doesn't live here in Nashville.  Ugh!  Seems to be the story of my life.  And he was CUTE.  There's a local group called Team Green Adventures that I've thought about joining.  It's co-ed and they do a lot of different activities like beach volley ball in the park, volunteering, hikes, and other outdoorsy stuff that I've seriously thought about joining.  I'd most likely be going to these events solo & maybe that's just what I need to do more of; going to events solo.  

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 7:50pm
I sent you a request. Hopefully you can handle lots of baby pictures! I think you left before my last niece was born.

I think sometimes doing things alone is key, depending on the activity. Certain ones lend themselves to flirting more when you're alone and you don't have to split your attention between many people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:32pm

I got it =]  And baby photos don't bug me at all

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 11:15pm
After this weekend, I'm convinced that I'm destined to be unmarried forever single (I've never been in a relationship because something always prevents going beyond a few dates). I say this weekend because I finally found out that a guy that has been talking to me but not interested in dating me was only trying to use me for a green card!

Now I know that our Indian culture treats singles like trash but I am not that desperate to be married that I'd be willing to agree to that! I'm still fuming a day later and after spending hours pouring my heart out in my journal. Am I really that ugly or unworthy of real love that I appear to be an easy target for such arrangements?

I want to be married but not just for practical reasons. There has to be some compatibility, respect, desire to spend time together.

I would love to have someone to go to all of the museums to, the zoo, theater. But believe me, I have no problem going to these places by myself! I'm just tired of having to live life alone.

I've learned my lesson...forget about my culture and community as much as it hurts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 11:30pm

Oh that's just crazy not to mention a low blow.  And you shouldn't settle for that let alone subject yourself to be w/him just so he can get his green card.  Be proud of yourself for saying no to that.  You deserve a lot better.  The upswing is you are finding this out now as opposed to later.

I can kind of empathize because I often wonder if I have an invisible sign on my forehead that reads, "loosers inquire within." I've dated guys who didn't think twice to ask me for money & we weren't even in a serious relationship at that point.  If you cannot support your own self then you can't support being in a relationship.  Hit the road, Jack!  Seems to be a common trend that I've noticed.  A lot of these men want the women to support them 100% and live off of our salary.  And when I say support the guy 100%, I mean by buying their groceries all the time, letting them slide when they don't have money to pay the rent, things like that.  Heck to the no!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 12:35am

The only time I feel guilty for being single is around valentines day, when commercialization of love is bombarded all over us. Aside from that, single life is not so bad if one can overlook the societal pressures of getting married. I am kind of sick of family and friends nudging me because im approching 30yo and have seen a great deal of toxic relationships in my days. Above all, the worst kind is when a couple splits up and there is a child involved. I know of at least half a dozen one parent families. It is hard for a child to grow up without one parent.

A long time ago, my high school/college sweetie pitched the idea of marriage. It all went downhill from there and I broke up with her. In retrospect, I think I made a wise decision. Being in early 20's, not having a career is not the smartest time to get married and have kids. Even now, while I am financially comfortable, im not fully on my feet. I refuse to get married and have kids until I can say with 110% certainty that I can support them through living in a good neighborhood and going to the best daycare/schools/colleges, etc.. Call me an OCD perfectionist, but if you're going to do something right, you do it with 100% certainty or not do it at all. This is why 50% of marriages end up in divorces, people rush into things way too quickly because of pressures, and then you have the kids getting caught in the cossfire...these are not your pet dogs or cats, this is a human life not to be underestimated. It is such a great responsibility to shoulder. People can barely take care of themselves and they think they can bring younger souls into this world to be responsible for?

So I guess that is the fear that takes me off the market, at least for now. Sane people rationalize like this, and there are a number of other reasons why guys will be off the market. What becomes left in the eligible pool is a bunch of loosers. So embrace your single life and take care of yourself first until you are fully ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 11:30am

While I think it's certainly sensible to wait until you can support yourself before getting married & having kids, you could also take it to the extreme.  You don't have to make $100,000/yr or own a fancy house in order to be a good DH & father.  As you can see every day w/ all the celebrities & rich people getting divorced, money doesn't guarantee happiness either.  Not to mention that most women also work, so your total income would be increased.  If you keep waiting & waiting til everything is 100%, before you know it, you'll be 50 and then women won't want to date you because they'll be convinced that something is wrong with you for never being married--a little exaggeration, but not much.

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