The Single Girl Rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
The Single Girl Rant
18
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 4:58pm

Long time no talk!  I haven't been on here in several years & had the hardest time trying to find this place.  I still recognize some old faces & glad to see that Shy is still on here!  I used to be Co-CL here for a while then life got too busy so I had to step down.  

So yes, I'm still single.  I try to keep myself busy as much as possible to keep my mind off of it.  I often feel like I'm the only single person in the world.  And quite frankly, I'm the only one in my small circle of friends who is single.  All of my friends are taken.  Don't get me wrong, they ask me to do stuff w/them & I gladly oblige.  I enjoy hanging out w/them.  This past weekend we all went out of town, did some ziplining, and we had a blast.  Alas, I was the only single person in the group & I felt kinda bummed about it when I saw my other friends holding hands w/their fiance or boyfriend.  When we went ziplining, one of our guides was kinda cute.  We flirted a little bit back and forth.  He was fun.  It was fun.  But of course he isn't local.  The story of my life!  Shame I couldn't bring him back home with me.  

It can be depressing being single.  I know there's nothing wrong with me.  I'm not ugly.  I'm a fun person to be around.  Are men intimidated by smart & pretty women?  Do they not want to date tall women?  I say that because I'm 6ft tall!  A friend of mine told me, "you are datable & there's nothing wrong w/you.  You have standards so keep those."  Once upon a time I used to settle when I had really low self esteem.  I won't go back to settling.  I've dated guys who have railroaded me, lied to me, used me, abused me, and thought I was their personal bank account.  I don't tolerate that anymore.  And I've done the online dating thing in the past.  I HATE IT.  I can't subject myself to that again.  So I often wonder, are some of us just destined to be single the rest of our lives?  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 12:19pm

There are many women I know who make good moms. I've also seem many women (on drugs, on the street, extremely disfunctional i.e. octomom is an extreme version) who have kids and I think if anyone should have kid, it should be me. It would improve our gene pool.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:20am

Amen to that! Do not capitulate to society pressure to get married, not unless you are 110% sure that you you can and will be able to spend the rest of your life with that special someone and you are ready to be a responsible parent to any kids, both mentally, morally and financially. Perhaps this is why there seems to be a lack of good men in the dating market. Those that are good intentioned take themselves off the market and wait until they are ready, regardless of age.

Until then, do know that you are appreciated and loved as God's more beautiful and smarter creation over us "ape" looking men. For all of the single women out there, I attach an e-rose to validate the former statement.

/-_-\ / / \ / / \ \ \ / \__\__/ \\ -\\ ____ \\ / / ____ \\/___/ \ \ -// \___\//- -// \\ // //- -// // \\ \\
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 7:47pm

I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not meant to be married or have children. I compare myself to other women and indeed I had the hardest time meeting the right man. A few rare opportunities in the past I had, I let them slip. Now, I really don't know if it would ever happen.

Still trying to come to term with that as I was conditioned to think I should marry and have children. I heard from people who've been in bad marriages that they're happier single.  Nevertheless, you want what you want, there's no right or wrong.

I have a group of friends I get together frequently. there are two of us in the who have never been married. One is divorced, four are married. The divorced person just got over a contentious divorce so happy to be single. The other single woman and I would like to find a partner. I've been observing the married friends. Not all are as beautiful as imagined. One has to work so hard to support her family, husband unemployed for a long time. Another one always makes side remarks which I interpret as not being so satisfied with her husband.

Nothing is perfect. We all know that but we tend to focus on the imperfection. There are very few of us who have the perfect happy life, be it single or attached.  I still would like to find a partner but I'm trying to see my life in a possitive light as well. Not easy at all - I have the same rant you do - but what else can I do in the mean time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 8:55pm

Its okay! Just enjoy life being single. Love will come in the right time and in the right person.:smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 3:34pm

You're right. I exaggerated a bit, but I never elaborated on the second part. While this is certainly a factor, the bigger factor is my fear of toxic relationships. I have seen far too much to be able to overlook that aspect. Parents divorced (i did have the fortunate luck in growing up to an age of 20 before they did, so it didn't affect me much)... brother divorced with a little 6 year old. Seeing heated custody issues between them...A female friend who had her heart shattered and fell into depression. A male friend who had their heart shattered and contemplated suicide...and the list goes on. I enjoy being in fwb relatonships. Granted, one or the other or both may develop feelings, I do not want anyone to put their life on hold for me while I straighten out my problems on issues of long term commitment and the ability to provide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 2:25pm

Is it wrong for me to say that I cannot stand VDay because I think it's an over rated Hallmark holiday?  I know that sounds awful of me but it's how I feel!  LOL

I have zero interest in getting married.  I'd rather co-habitate & just live together.  Society has definitely made it known that you must be coupled up with somebody.  And while I do enjoy being single & glad I'm no longer in the toxic relationships I once was in in the past, every now & then I wish I did have a boyfriend.  Especially when I'm sick & feeling like muck.  A good man is hard to find!  And I'm sure a lot of men say the same thing about us women. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 2:08pm

Hey stranger!  Yes, I've been MIA on here for a while lol.  You are going to love ziplining!  It's scary at first but after the first two to three lines, you get used to it & over your fear.  And the guides harness & secure you in really good.  There's also another guide at the end of the line to catch you when you stop because braking can be a little tricky, especially in the rain =]  It was a first for me this past wknd & now I'm hooked lol.  I want to go again!

I try not to let it elude me.  Only time it really bugs me is when I'm with my "taken" friends & I see them holding hands & how they take care of each other.  Makes me wish I could find a good boyfriend like that.  One of my friends met her fiance through an online dating site.  She's one of the lucky few.  I just can't stomach online dating.  I've gone back to the same site twice only to disable my account within 24 hours.  I get a lot of hits but I have standards.  I just can't do it. 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 1:00pm
Good to see you back, fellow Tennessean. I'm actually going zipping in a few weeks. I can't wait (a newbie)!

I see women all the time who, I know would love to find that special someone and for whatever reason, it eludes them. Makes me scratch my head. Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 11:30am

While I think it's certainly sensible to wait until you can support yourself before getting married & having kids, you could also take it to the extreme.  You don't have to make $100,000/yr or own a fancy house in order to be a good DH & father.  As you can see every day w/ all the celebrities & rich people getting divorced, money doesn't guarantee happiness either.  Not to mention that most women also work, so your total income would be increased.  If you keep waiting & waiting til everything is 100%, before you know it, you'll be 50 and then women won't want to date you because they'll be convinced that something is wrong with you for never being married--a little exaggeration, but not much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 12:35am

The only time I feel guilty for being single is around valentines day, when commercialization of love is bombarded all over us. Aside from that, single life is not so bad if one can overlook the societal pressures of getting married. I am kind of sick of family and friends nudging me because im approching 30yo and have seen a great deal of toxic relationships in my days. Above all, the worst kind is when a couple splits up and there is a child involved. I know of at least half a dozen one parent families. It is hard for a child to grow up without one parent.

A long time ago, my high school/college sweetie pitched the idea of marriage. It all went downhill from there and I broke up with her. In retrospect, I think I made a wise decision. Being in early 20's, not having a career is not the smartest time to get married and have kids. Even now, while I am financially comfortable, im not fully on my feet. I refuse to get married and have kids until I can say with 110% certainty that I can support them through living in a good neighborhood and going to the best daycare/schools/colleges, etc.. Call me an OCD perfectionist, but if you're going to do something right, you do it with 100% certainty or not do it at all. This is why 50% of marriages end up in divorces, people rush into things way too quickly because of pressures, and then you have the kids getting caught in the cossfire...these are not your pet dogs or cats, this is a human life not to be underestimated. It is such a great responsibility to shoulder. People can barely take care of themselves and they think they can bring younger souls into this world to be responsible for?

So I guess that is the fear that takes me off the market, at least for now. Sane people rationalize like this, and there are a number of other reasons why guys will be off the market. What becomes left in the eligible pool is a bunch of loosers. So embrace your single life and take care of yourself first until you are fully ready.

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