Singles and depression

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Singles and depression
29
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 10:46pm

Do you ever wonder if there are groups that are more depressed than others?  I mean not just a little down, but on some sort of antidepressant to help them through it.  I have quite a few teacher colleagues who I know are on antidepressants.  My sister went on one after her wedding was cancelled and the jerk did all the crap he did to her. 

It seems, from what I've read here over the past 12 years that single women are probably among the more depressed.  I'm sure there are plenty of married women who are as well, and I'm sure there are plenty of single women who are incredibly happy.  But it seems to me that in general, we're depressed.  Or maybe it's just women who are depressed!  I don't know.

I decided yesterday to start taking something to see if it improves my mood.  I was pretty happy this summer, but since school has started up again, I just haven't been happy.  To be honest, nothing seems to make me happy and I'm not motivated to do much.  I didn't want to take anything prescription because of the side effects I've read of, so I decided to try a supplement (SAM-e) after doing a lot of research.  I took it this morning and I felt like crap all day long.  I don't think one day is supposed to affect me, though, so I think it was something else going on.  Hopefully I'll see a difference within a week like the package says. 

I'm just kind of curious of anyone else is taking anything or tried the supplement I am taking.  I can't really talk about it with my real-life friends because I can't really trust any of them to keep it to themselves. 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 3:49pm

Wish we did live close Shy, it sounds like so much fun singing karaoke with you. :-) I am sleeping a lot, or so it feels. Perhaps the quality of my sleep is not good enough though, as my nose is still partly blocked even though I went through surgery this summer.  I am not used to feel sad, so I am a bit scared. But it is not all the time, sometimes it just hits me hard. Symptoms tell me that it is stress.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 7:53pm
If you lived closer, I would have gone with you Ruby! Although I'm not feeling the greatest and have a slight fever, I still am not happy sitting at home. It's 6:50, but it's been raining all day and feels like much later. I could probably go to bed at 8 and it wouldn't feel early at all.

Have you been sleeping enough? I just read an article on yahoo that said being more emotional than normal and crying a lot can be a sign that you're not getting enough sleep. It can also amplify stress.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 5:31pm
WhiteSatin, what you say to Free about needing a few close girl friends to do little things with.... I wish I had that. Or, should I rather say, that the ones I have had time for me? Sometimes I really wish I had new friends, who had the time. Tonight I would have gone to a concert where my utterly handsome bass playing neighbour is performing with one of his bands, but as noone else would go I stayed home alone. Which sucks! Oh well, better luck next time.

I have been feeling down lately, this year I have suddenly broken into turns of crying and I do not think it is all hormones. Never had these experiences before. I am currently stressed out at work and rather fed up with my job, to be honest. My choir is not giving me the same joy as before, it is too serious and not enough fun, and I am going to the chiropractor constantly due to pains and strains in neck and shoulders/back. Trying to think positively and getting out among people as I am sitting too much alone in my apartment, and it feels slightly better now. But kinda scary to feel this way, as I have always been a happy creature with stable emotions... "This too shall pass", I hope!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 6:28pm
I think it is, Free. I only read in one or two places that it could help with inflammation, but it's supposed to help with joints and general pain too. I should add that I'm also taking B12 and D3 and have been for awhile. My sinuses are draining today- my throat really hurts- and I wonder if it's because they can, or of I'm getting sick. I refuse to get sick!!

There are some side effects, including gastro problems. I have a sensitive stomach and IBS, so I knew I'd get them. It's tolerable for me though.

The real test will be this weekend. Will I be able to get up and leave the house when I don't have to? I haven't been able to do that in awhile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 6:21pm

Yes; I think you are right. Its not small low grade depression..

Oh; I know how important one's environment is.. and let  me try and explain the situation.. I dont like sis's house. Its very small and I dont like living with her. My mom is here also and I moved in thinking it was temporary.. Well? when the economy crashed a few years ago and I lost income I stayed and never left.. I have been looking for another place to live but the apts. are so pricey where we live. I live in suburb of New York and everytime I look at a place I cringe at the price.. Okay.. so here is the good part.. I love the area where I live. I hate the house but love the area.. There is alot to do and there is a huge sense of community..and when I walk out the door there is always something going on and its a good place for singles.. I live near the beach and bars and stores and restaurants and its a very nice area..

You bring up a good point.. I think I would rather live in a nice big house with open space in a nice area with lots to do than these small cramped apts.. I would just have to find the right fit and match.. thank you..

the people that I hang with come and go like hotcakes.. I do have two  very good guy friends  that do things with me but they arent always around but they have been really good friends to me ... I also do meet ups here and there but I find the people sometimes very strange (sorry) . To tell you the truth I love going out alone when I do .. I have met people when I go out alone and they are very friendly to a single person.. there are days though where I dont have the guts to go out alone..

I used to have a womens group i hung out with years ago but that was when I was living at my old house.. Now that was fun. I have to look into finding another group again. See there is so much to do and yet I dont do it..

I also look for part time work but nothing has come up .. I know it will but then I give up and dont look.. all catch 22's. (lol0

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 6:05pm

freeatlast,

OK, that's pretty simple. But our environment is very important. Do you not like the house you're in, or not like living with your sister? I realize I need an open space, be it alone or with roommates. The best roommate situation I had was when we had a large apartment which was relatively neat so we were not confined to our rooms. When I had roommates who were also good friends in a big apartment, life was nice. I do like the openness of my house now but I can easily find another home with the same feeling without the high maintenance.

I sympathize with you. It is dysthymia or low-grade depression you're having. It's not normal to feel like this most of the time. When I had my bf, that was what we did. That was the benefit with my ex-bf, a ready partner to do little things with. But, he was worse than me when it came to home projects. He actually prevented me from doing it. Besides that he prevented me from spending time with my gf's.

What you need now is a few close girlfriends to do little things with. I did find at least one woman I can hang out with through professional events I went to. I also connected with an old friend who now got me into a group every friday night. Are there meetup groups in your area? There are some in my area who do little things such as evening walks. I know it takes effort to even meet these people. But maybe try one walk and see. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 5:45pm

yeah; its like a blah blah feeling..yes I have had  this for awhile now due to many things in my life.. OMG.. should I go into it.. I would sound like a nutcase.. I think if I moved from where I am I would feel so much better. I just dont have the energy or motivation to do it.. That is what makes me question myself.. I know what I have to do yet I dont do it.. I am that type of person who needs a ton of motivation like I try and walk a few times a week. Now I am so bored of it and I feel stupid at times walking alone.. I wish I had someone to motivate me to walk. My sisters friend was supposed to come and walk with me but she never showed up. It feels like everything I do is an effort .. Is that depression or just th eblah blah thing..

If I were you I would probably just put the house up for sale and see what happens.. One time I let go of so many material things and I felt a lot better. Not telling you what to do but just a suggestion.. I know I know I s hould take my own advice..

There are so many things to do out there in world and to learn and figure out and there are days I have no motivation to do anything because I think about what I really want and not what I have to do.. Like I would love to have a partner now and travel and take road trips and go to afternoon movies.. I dont have that and it makes me sad.. I never thought my life would turn out like this at 58 years old..

Oh; If I were anymore simple I would win the Academy Award for simple.. I live my life very very simple..I live in a room at my sisters house and I have basically nothing except basic needs but yeah there are days where I am very happy and free.. I dont have any bills except for the rent I give to sis and a few other things but not big huge bills and  I dont have a huge big car or huge vacations or nice fancy clothes..or anything big anymore.. BTDT have the teeshirt and it didnt make me happy.. I think I am Buddhist because I have no attachments  to anything. Although there are days I miss my big house and the huge amenities that went with it.. I have been surviving for years and its okay totally... I might be able to live in a tent and it wouldnt phase me.. maybe?? I dont want to try it though as Winter approaches (lol)

thanks for sharing

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 5:24pm

freeatlast,

I've been feeling blah for so long, I think this is how it is. But it's not how it's supposed to be. Even my therapist downplays my symptoms. He said I'm tired b/c I work too much. I know otherwise.

The first time I got on the prozac, which was 10 years ago, that was what normal was supposed to be like. My problem didn't go away, but I was more equipped to deal with it. And it did go away b/c I was had the energy to deal with it. I wouldn't mind medication again, but i had severe insomnia.

I know I'm still in denial now because I don't address the problems with my house until they get really bad, then I had to spend more money, got bad workers, then got upset. That's why the house is a source of aggrevation for me right now.  I'm hoping for a clear answer on what to do about it.

I'm learning now, with people who are vulnerable to depression, keeping life simple is the key.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 4:38pm

Shy;; wow that is the SAME .E that is doing that? I too have that awful sinus thing and it fogs up my head. I have it now and its awful.

I have no idea what normal feels like because I rarely feel normal.... I do feel hopeless at times and the symptoms of depression I know.. Not participating or going out and doing things you normally like.. and those other symptoms I cant remember now..

One time when I was divorcing my depression got so bad that I didnt go out for days and I didnt shower and I was on pure survival mode. I would stare at the tv and just stare at it all day long and not move.. I also had physical symptoms where everything in my body hurt.. It was terrible.. As soon as I moved out my marital home those symptoms went away.. I felt like that was high grade depression .. Now I have some like you said maybe low grade depression..where I function and do things and all but I still have that feeling of blah blah or hopelessness or something..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 4:14pm

I know a lot of people (both the sufferer and even the provider) downplay the importance of the low-grade depression, or dysthymia, is the professional word but to me it really affects one's quality of life.

I know the feeling you described. That was how I felt the first time on the prozac. It was what 'normal' was supposed to feel, meaning, the problems are still there, but you feel more capable of taking care of it, you feel like it's going to pass, just keep working on it, it's going to be OK. And I did continue to work on it, not don't care as in ignoring the problem. compared that to when you're depressed, the problem is catastrophized, as if it's going down the worst possible scenerio.  Feeling like you 'don't care' is an easy way to describe it but it's not like not caring like being on drug.

Just as important is once you feel more capable on the med/supplement, you should start getting yourself in therapy, either self-therapy or via a therapist. My feeling is that the med/supplement is the bootstrap, you don't want to be on it forever. Eventually, they stop working.

Pages