Boyfriend got another woman pregnant :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Boyfriend got another woman pregnant :(
5
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 12:11pm
My boyfriend and I have been together 8 years. We are now only 24 years old. During a fight and short break up he got a girl pregnant. She did know about me, and had been pregnant by another woman's man before. I hate her. The baby girl is now 9 months old, and it will soon be time for him to meet her (we live in another province). His mom and sister are already close to the baby, and seem to not care about my feelings at all (posting things all over facebook). I must mention that I had an abortion 3 years ago, n feel in my heart it would have been a baby girl :smileysad: Anyways, this situation devestates me. It is all I think of. It breaks my heart knowing he will love this baby, that is another woman's. I feel so left out, and I know the "right" thing to do is for him to be a father to the baby, but it just kills me. I don"t know how to ease this pain (and can"t afford a therapist). Any advice???
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 2:16pm

I'm sorry you find yourself in such a tough situation.  Granted, I understand that you were broken up, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he got another women pregnant.  Have you been tested for STDs because I'm assuming that he didn't use protection?  I don't know if I would be able to handle this situation at all.  It's one thing to become involved with a man who has kids, but this is totally different.  I know you have been together a very long time, but this baby is not going away.  It's always going to be there, and you have to decide if that's something you can live with.  An option for you would be to step away from the situation for a bit to so you have the space to decide what you are able to handle in your life.    

Has he had a DNA test done to confirm that he's actually the father.  With this women's history, I don't think I would trust her word all that much.   It sounds like she took advantage of a situation, maybe even trying to trap him into a relationship with her.   I sure hope that he's expressed some guilt towards you for putting you through this.  Are you sure that a therapist is out of your budget?  You could try contacting a local college to see if they offer reduced fees for training of their students.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 2:24pm
Yes he does feel guilty, and there is no need for a DNA test. The baby looks so much like him, which hurts me too... I've tried to step away, but we're pretty set on being together. I am going to look into a college therapist, because thinking of him loving this baby (I know how evil that sounds) shatters me... but being away from him would too. This just sucks, and I just can't seem to find peace with this. Thanks for your reply!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 3:14pm
(hugs) I hope you can find someone that can help. Maybe actually seeing the baby will help, just in the fact that there won't be as many unknowns, kwim? How often do you think he'll see her? You aren't evil at all for feeling this way, I would be the same. It doesn't make you evil, just human.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 7:02pm

I think you've gotten some good advice, a DNA test would be my first step.  I realize you said there is no need, but stranger things have happened and you just never know!  I would also look at getting tested for STD's, it would give you peace of mind and it is your body, so you really need to know since protection obviously wasn't used.

Counseling is available in most places to students, especially ones that are full time.  You said Province, so I assume you are in Canada and if that's the case there are also things like Kids Help Phone that you could call and they will help you deal.  I realize you aren't a "kid", but I believe they would be willing to help, it's over the phone (or you can go online www.kidshelpphone.ca) and they may be able to point you towards some councilors that will work for free or that offer cheap/free services to young people.

IMO you are also experiencing some feelings of loss and perhaps regret for choosing to abort your own child, so help in the way of a councilor/therapist could really help!

Have you had a heart to heart with your BF?  Do you know what role he wants to play in this babies life?