Still here and hanging on

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Still here and hanging on
2
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 1:27pm

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and support!  Everything you have said makes perfect sense and has helped me stay the course that is right for me.  It is so very helpful to get feedback and advise from those that have been there.

I have made NC in any way since 9/7/12.  He's been able to find his way in through various means of communication, most of which I've shut down.  His apology was weak and meaningless to me.  I can see that it is just another way to try and get me back into this bad situation.  He is impatient and angry when I don't respond quickly and in the manner he wants.   

I'm not going to do it.  I was very clear in the last contact we had that I was done.  Really done.  This game of who is in control is over.  I know that if I don't reply to him, the hurtful words will come again.  Trying to be ready for that. 

There is no "making this work for both of us".  Remember he has said all along that he doesn't care about me, never has and never will.  We're not friends.  Sorry doesn't take away the mean comments that he has made over time.  I've watched him destroy the lives of other women that he's been with and that will not happen to me. 

So, I'm still here and doing ok.  Trying hard not to slip back in to thinking about when things were "good".  Not sure that they ever really were in the first place. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 1:48pm

And remember--every time you wonder what he's thinking about you or if he's thinking about you or why he did what he did--keeping NC is a way of letting him wonder just as much as you are wondering. Which is sort of a comfort when you feel you're obsessing. At least it was for me. Let him dangle....

This is hard if you're an impatient person (I am). My therapist, the first time I met her, told me with great certainty, This is going to take you six months to a year to get over. And I rolled my eyes. And yep, she was absolutely right. If you can call becoming an entirely different person "getting over it." And I do.

Stay the course--you'll be glad you did. And I was in for the better part of 8 years. I may never be able to get those years back, but I sure as he!! am going to try to learn from them. As the Indigo Girls sang, It's only life, after all.

--Birdsong

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 7:02pm
Excellent update Blonde!! Keep staying as strong as this and you'll push through. You can do this honey.

Yellow xx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~