Need Some Opinions - longer than anticipated, but it can never be simply written

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Need Some Opinions - longer than anticipated, but it can never be simply written
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 11:22pm

Hi All...I've posted and visited before, but am inconsistent. I'm in the final stages of almost 9 years of hell. To be brief, it was very physical in the beginning and has evolved into intense emotional hell. I had a child with him, she's almost 3. I never thought enough of myself, but after having a child w/ him, and what he's done (in short, abandon us, but stop by to make sure I'm alone and support,etc.) to our daughter. We have not lived together in quite some time. I'd say the last year has been my real evolution to ending this. I've often wondered if for us to really, really end, would one of us be seriously hurt? I can't imagine what'd happen if he saw me w/ a man...regardless that he never sleeps alone and I continue to be isolated. However, as you all know, to explain our lives of abuse, it'd takes lots of time to go thru it all, so I want to be brief to get to my need of opinions.

I recently had to call the police again. I waited quite some time, as he's been driving me crazy w/ calls, etc..even following me. I know I should call, but honestly I don't have faith in the system. So let's get to last if I don't have enough hurdles, I get in an accident (not my fault) and my car is totaled. I'm sore, but am also devastated over the vehicle that I've put lots of money into, the reason I'm more behind in my house, bills, and now have to front more money to wait forever for reimbursement- so I'm real real worried about my financial situation. And as always, he's calling and calling and calling. I usually don't answer, but I beg him to stop and he uses our daughter as the excuse "I keep her from him" and I said no, you fix what you broke. Make the court make me give her to you for visits. You see, I will no longer sacrifice myself for him. I made the mistake, met him at the park once and he of course  was quick to touch on me, kiss on me, etc. And I can honestly say I don't really 'feel it' anymore. He makes me sick. 2 years of complete agony w/ a newborn finally made me see. So after all week, not letting him over, etc...Friday he starts at 815am..I call the police around 5. In that time, on just my cell, I had 70+ calls and 96 texts. He's not as stupid w/ what he puts in writing or vm, but he did have 'watch' 'don't go home' 'hope you die' 'fat wh8re' and more evil. He left 14 vm's and talks about he wont 'go down' for just calls and texts this murder..he can get to me before the cops..and if he does go to jail, he'll get out..set house on fire...burn us up..and constant threats for my imaginary man. Because of course I have a man, since I'm not tt him. I just don't care anymore. He can think i'm gang banging for all I care. I have no man, but I'd rather be alone than spend another minute dealing with him. I used to want to make him understand. No more. ANYWAY, later in the day I answer and beg him to stop, I have enough problems and I'm gonna call the police dammit! he say's "Oh, you want me to come to your house and give you a reason to call the cops?"...he starts sending more texts about our daughter, how he lost love for her, doesn't love her..too much to tell..but then later I answer, and he's screaming and he tells me he will kidnap her and graphically describes raping my baby before burning her. Oh god, that hurts to write and see in type. I call the police. Many times over the years he says he hopes I die, but has said for her too...the only difference this time is the graphic rape of our child. I don't have proof he said that, as it was verbal. but the police called family servcies and put a threat charge on her, also charging felony stalking and harassment and a threat for me too. He turned himself in after he hid all weekend and was released on a very small bail. See why I dont trust the system? This same 'man' has been held on 25k CASH 2x...I know that if something were to happen to me, there'd be an uproar over our history and 'why wasn't more done?'...but it'd be too late for me. He has been absolutely quiet since Fri- and also, we now have no contacts.

Like I said, I've dealt with this over and over...I'm so numb to threats, put downs and pure hell...but not about our child. I really don't fear him. I know he's w/ his new hag (our ex case worker when we had supervised visitation), so I'm thinking me calling will make him concentrate on that. I don't think he'll bother me anymore. Everyone that knows 1/10th of this wants me in a safe house. No. I'll probably lose my house soon anyhow, and if that happens, I seriously think I'll leave the area, but I'm ready to have a life. I wonder if I ever have a relationship, would he freak if he saw us? But I don't care. But a little part of me wonders if I'll be an Ann Rule story. I don't even know what I'm asking you all to tell me. I have to work and try to figure all this financial hell out...I'm cautious, but I really don't think he'll push further. So if you made it this far, I'd just like your opinion on this tiny piece of our long 'relationship'...will he just go away, scared of the no contact and new charges, knowing I'm done...or do you think he's quiet now and could eventually snap?



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001


Right now your number one priority is your daughter's safety and yours.

No one knows whether or not he will act.

I would though take it very seriously.

Ask for and get some help.

Call your local shelter, go there be safe and keep safe.

Do it for her!

She needs you, her Mom...



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001


Just wondering if you are okay?

How are you and your daughter doing?

Please let us know...

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

((HUGS)) A new start is scary but if you can get away from him and start over some where new I would run not walk to get away. No one knows for sure what an abuser will do when they see you have moved on but by the way he has already acted I would start over. I was lucky and the abuser in my life was simpily a bully and once I really stood up to him he ran away but before that he did some horrible things but like I was I was lucky and not all abusers are like that. Please make a safety plan and keep safe!!

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